Saturday, 31 December 2011

improving beauty

i saw this somewhere and wanted to share... it is simple and to the point and a good reminder of our duties as amazing human beings with all our bads and goods... 


30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

I loved every word of the post below and wanted to share it on here. Its a worthy part of your 2011 reflection exercise to reflect on the things you want to stop doing, and leave behind in the current year as you move on to the year ahead. For me…as I truthfully reflect on 2011, its got to be numbers 8, 12, 19, 23 and 26 (you’ll know what I mean shortly, read on). Although, at one time or another it was everything on the list below.
I do have to acknowledge myself for the numbers that I just breeezed past and realized “Hey! I’m not that girl anymore! Way to go!” I can recognize the areas that I’ve grown and feel proud, and this is another key element of it all. So if you decide to read below, don’t be a self-hater and try to take on all of the advice at once. Acknowledge yourself for the ones you skip and realize that you don’t need any work in that area of your life. It’s okay to pat yourself on the back once in a while. Make sure to be kind to yourself too, you have plenty of time to take on all of the numbers below. Something tells me you’ll know where to start…
XO
♥ D
30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself
Article written by Marc at Marcandangel.com

When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.
As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. Read The Road Less Traveled .
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you likeeveryone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Read Stumbling on Happiness .
11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break.– The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Read Getting Things Done .
24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.
CREDIT: Full article written by Marc at Marcandangel.com HERE





a new ending in my heart

'i am closing the circle, putting it to rest...' i wrote and exclaimed in my last performance and here i am now, at the last day of the month and the end of the year, confirming it again... the end of another cycle, story, chapter... a new ending in my heart, as the title suggests for its new beginning and i must admit, i am excited!


i don't really want to express and/ or describe what a rollercoaster this year has been with all the wonderfulness and awfulness, nor i want to list the resolutions i would like to achieve...


instead, i'll let it roll in nicely, gently and intensely, via my long shift and my plethora of partying in my brand new outfit, get on with it, make it happen (again and always)


i'll fold the napkins of my life well and absolutely and lay the table with innocence, positivity and consistent faith... for the freshly sourced, prepared and served meals of my life to feed me with more experience, knowledge and understanding and love to grace my menu in all three lush courses...


i have been a tad anxious and sad lately and hugely disappointed and i take full responsibility for it, not because i have done something really wrong, but mainly because everything which happens in our lives is within our control to alter and develop, by breaking our own patterns and exercise our patience with flexibility and love...


yet again, i came across fear, ignorance, stiffness, narrow mindedness, anger, resentment, grudge, retribution, futile darkness; slithers of debris left from one to another and passed on... due to age, lack of experience and the alternative and a fair amount of naivete... pity... wrong time, wrong one; right time, right one (would we admit?); wrong time, right one; right time, wrong one... endless possibilities, infinite options, not to be taken on, as new and fresh and different... pity... however...


... as i have said before and i'm saying it again: everything happens for a reason and a good one too and as it should, so there is no point worrying and feeling sad, because the truth always prevails and the right thing is always performed and love always shines,  so what is meant to be is meant to be and what is for us, won't go by us... and we don't have to be christians, muslims, buddhists, rastas, or any other label we choose to possess in order to avoid our responsibility to be good humans, tolerant and open minded, but humans full of acceptance and love, despite any shortcomings and bad experiences we went through in the course of our short lives... phew!


two wrongs don't make a right, i know this and although people will treat you the way they have been treated, because and for now, don't know any better, or are too lazy to take the leap and come out of their painful and self inflicted tight bud, you/ i / we have the duty to embrace them with more love, compassion and understanding, break the barriers, disarm them from their pointless artillery...


life is amazing and a wonderful gift and the darkness, the mistakes and the disappointments, part of the process, thrown at us, for the learning and overcoming...


these are my humble opinions and comprehensions and they work for me... i am not interested in recognition, ego satisfaction, or arrogance; i am totally capable in living these out by myself without an audience...


i am interested in life, people, emotions, actions, experiences, mental stimulations, danger and boundary pushing, as well, wide, lovingly, as possible... with decency and honesty and a pure heart...


i know i face opposition, misunderstanding, percecution, gossip, critique, negativity, projections, ridicule, isolation... in time, i have learned to turn it around, ignore it, filter it, fight it, challenge it, eradicate it... time has taught me, protected me, strengthened me, crystallised me and hardened me more...


all good and look forward to the more, but there is a catch:


too high, too advanced, too high the standards; everyone is dissected and finally sabotaged and not allowed in...


now, this is my challenge: am i to overturn it; eliminate it; destroy it...


so that i can construct the new?


time will tell... is that my easy way out?? 


can you hear me? i'm screaming!


the universe provides... and i am no fool...














Thursday, 1 December 2011

a new beginning in my heart

london. south east. 09:14. 1st december. the beginning of a new month, episode. world's aids day. the clouds are moving. i can see some blue. in have put the kettle on, but i have been up for some time. i am sipping earl grey tea and munching on my second mince pie lovingly made by lilly vanilli...


i feel very positive and excited


my facebook wall is covered with fleetwood mac songs, full of love, sex, pain, yearning and commentary...!


i am a dork!


i am a lovist!


i am hopeful!


i have no choice... what is going on? do i need to know? there is no answer in my long questions, but i am not worried, is it silly? but it feels correct... i must go with that gut feeling of something is really happening and going on and will erupt into something sexy, explosive and intensely filmic... am i mad? not in this way, but in that way! do i make sense? yes! meanwhile, business as usual, big things are cooking...


to be continued...















Tuesday, 29 November 2011

nearly...

it's cold... monday has already begun two hours and thirty seven minutes ago... and i am tucked in bed, listening to jill scott, with wet eyes, a small sadness and a abundant anticipation for whatever will come next and when...as an exhausting and rich week has just ended and with it, perhaps a friendship...


i/ we come and go, i/ we move constantly, life goes on and on, despite the bumps and smoothings and offerings and happenings thrown at it/ me/ us...


i've been feeling blue all day and i thought of blurting it out here, for some personal understanding and replenishing and hopefully with no or at least little self indulgence...


where to begin from?


it is nearly the end of the month; a distant lover's birthday and i'm further isolating myself into the oblivion of my own destiny


do i provoke my own fate for the challenge? or am i outright misunderstood?
no matter what happens, with who and when, i must remain consistent, passionate, hungry, intelligent, alive, awake and forever creative...


as time slips from my hands and as i am having really and deep down the time of my life, i have this need to archive and make sense of it all with furtive curiosity and genuine interest.


the far away and stay away land has woken up to some kind of conscientious guilt and tragic realisation: after eighteen months of persistent silence and blocking, which, clearly has helped a lot for my healing and natural poison extraction, i received an one liner, just one day before a very important event with the presence of someone with some kind of importance in my life... one line with a small kiss... 


it meant nothing more or les that it wrote and it created some kind of reaction, which did not include a response or a desire for one and lasted for a few hours after some tears of finally being acknowledged and the ultimate closure, which i reached a very long time ago...


i am clean and alone for the time being and the cup of my heart has started to fill... i am consistently breaking my patterns, pushing the boundaries, feel fear less and knowing that i have nothing to lose, makes me even stronger and life easier... maintaining of course a small portion of mystery, as, too full, too quickly, will ruin the appetite!


not quite there yet, but nearly... it will all fall into place and make sense... meanwhile, i work a lot! 


salaam alaikum soon please... and love, always and plenty...































Saturday, 1 October 2011

clean slate

it is the first of october and the sun is gloriously shining!
i am enjoying, relishing, devouring, absorbing it and my body and spirit are very happy, indeed.


of course, everyone is talking about it, which is the norm in this city, especially, when we don't get a lot of rays and/ or warmth, which is intensely boring and i really hope they'd shut up and get on with it and not jinx it!


i'm very quiet and reflective and contemplating my next move/s...


i feel stuck and trapped and upset and at the same time, free, insightful, private, grateful, fortunate


there is a slight wind, soothing my warm back and raffling my brain layers... delightful. in metaphore and reality.


things are changing again and fast and it feels right.


the new moon in harmonious, balancing libra has already been and gone and i'm feeling it now.


i'm finishing the circle, finishing stories, finishing dilemmas, finishing tasks, finishing... and starting again...


fresh, clean, different...


dandies and boys and question marks are nicely becoming a crystallised epilogue with friendship and simplified relating... 


what happened?


time and circumstance and...


for me to know... that is how i like it...


love is coming, but from a different angle altogether and i am glad about that!











Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Monday, 26 September 2011

and love?

well, that is another subject to be discussed, written about, felt, or ignored, sabotaged, destroyed altogether...


especially, when it's new, a surprise, a gentle slap around the face, a ribbon or a butterfly in the gut, a tear or more in both eyes, here to stay for some foreseeable future and an almost reality... in endless songs and intensely honest prose?


when does one do then?
when it's been ages since any heart layers have been aired and flapped about?
when disappointment has set so deeply, it has become a norm; a habit?
when sadness is hovering permanently above the aura, like a thin, yet persistent veil?
when, the shrew needs taming and the careful attire is due for a serious unscrewing?
when the windows are open and the whistle of the wind and the rays of the sun rush and gash right in?


what would stav B say and do?...


answers soon, or not, till then... go through it until...



















Sunday, 25 September 2011

solitude is precious...

when i started writing...it is friday night. 23 september 2011. 22:39pm. south east london. i'm in bed fighting a possibly small cold to be...


honey, fresh lemon juice, echinacea, vits, hot bath and a positive attitude...
no, i don't think i am going to die alone anymore with the danger that no one will discover me, till i start to smell; i have written before and trixie is not around any longer, sadly, to ask for food or a cuddle, or both...


... but i am alone... listening to mr. static lifotape by lifo mix on soundcloud and its techno ambience filters the melancoly and abyss of my heart, by having my head and feet engaged in some sort of simultaneous movement and my memory delving into familiar and known samples and having my mouth exclaiming: ' i know this '...


all sorts of happenings are, well, happening, on top of one another, at the same time, in short or long intervals and i'm in the middle of it all, absorbing, swallowing, rejecting, digesting, drinking, eating, experiencing and breathing in between...


fast and slow, hard and leniant, ugly and pleasant...
still amidst of all the slaps, beatings and praises, small/ big triumphs, irrelevant behaviours and non sensical attitudes, unfairness and gentleness, sheer camaraderies and blatant jealousies and meanness (at times), all for me to witness, endure, survive and further get shaped...


never a boring moment, yes? no?


on guard, stand by, awake, still, ready, strong, resilient, open and brutal in the truth and the elimination, more final than before, easier, quicker. period


and that is all in my tiny tiny world of personal affairs; the state of the world is full of unbearable anomalies, with famine, thirst, disease, corruption, war, poverty, unemployment, debt, riots, inequality, violence and the ultimate violation of human rights! are we on our way to lose our freedom? are we free? have we ever been?


i carried on today from here:


tired.


is it too cliche to write sometimes about these things, let alone think of them?
as long as they are not happening in our own front yard, then it's ok? is it? but now, our front yard is totally affected and it hurts...


and affects us all from the petrol that we put in our cars (let me tell you, i almost cry everytime i fill zoro up), to the attention we get in hospitals, should, 'god' forbid fall ill... limited to none, let alone gay rights, black rights, women's rights... so advanced and so backward at the same time...


the smaller countries hit so badly, because of past compromises, historical references and the dire economic situation as of late.... STOP!


enough! no politics here, no moaning, no financial analysis of the years to come... this is a love blog full of positivity and understanding, reassuring, believing and ample loving! but this is not a blog refusing reality, either...


yes, i agree... and i shall deliver as i always do, despite the heartbreaks and disappointments, as life is precious and beautiful and full of all things wonderful; like brunches with loved ones on sunday afternoons, walks in the woods in the golden autumn, making art, writing endlessly, debating endlessly, riding by the canal in the summer and beyond, cuddling, reading, devouring foreign lands with your mind, a book or passport, dressing up, smiling, taking photographs, loving, loving, loving...


i am keeping positive and keeping my head above water, constantly and fighting my own battles and sorting out my own problems, which are a combination of bad luck, circumstance, the state of my mind and the state of the world. snap! full circle. everything starts from oneself i keep saying to others and me and end in oneself... a collective behaviour is what we generally miss and when i say generally, i mean that we have some kind of explosive camaraderie, not always positive and productive, which comes out of anger and frustration, but sadly so short term...
and some other times, we have tiny revolutions in the shape of passionate meetings and the joining of groups... doing our best?


it's autumn. the sun is shining still, but it's cooler... windy recently, too. i love the wind. so cleansing.


i'm starting from scratch.
easing into it, with pride and compromise, but with some welcoming dexterity (good for me)
i am constantly conceiving, creating, organising, delegating, employing, executing
i am constantly thinking
my heart is empty, but is it?
being so alone and so clear, is excruciating sometimes, when everything around me is so understood and explained (by me)
i am healthy, i'm alive and the times i say 'what is the point of it all' disappears, thankfully, soon
igniting oneself is empowering, but also exhausting, where is the flame i wish for?
i'm not waiting, i'm not looking, but i anticipate, i yearn... in silence... for now, but not here... it has taken me so long to write here again, i so needed to collect my thoughts and that is the beginning...
... of a new journey, in the new chapter of my life and vice versa... 
... i just hope i remain hopeful to embrace it...
... fully... and reminding myself that i am also surrounded by wonderful people, full of love and support for me, to be reciprocated...


do i have a choice?

















Tuesday, 13 September 2011

Thursday, 25 August 2011

the archiving continues...

... and so is the focusing... slowly and fast, but surely, i'm coming out of my silence... words are to be uttered... from the thoughts and feelings...

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

completing


and now i can start again... in prose and action...

Tuesday, 19 July 2011

reality check





consistently different
pensive
serious
secretly frivolous
destructive
constructive
loyal...

in a crazy mood, but totally aware of it... in the end, i know to prioritise and choose and decide...

i miss trixie
i miss my own bed...

and i'm very very busy... in a very good way!