bare and brave

these wonderful wordings are written from the heart from a new angel, who appeared in my life recently and i found him; S. G is here to stay... he jotted them down with the immense love he feels for his lover H. P and shared them with me, upon our conversation on love and pain and the ultimate elation... enjoy them readers, feel them and relate to them, like i did, as they make me think and feel more for my... they are truly spectacular! x

You entered - unannounced -
My small heart skipped a beat
I looked, you stalled
And
Still my heart skipped a beat
A beat, a beat.
I took you by the hand
And you said Wait!
I Just Arrived!

I said we should meet
And you said
Anywhere - even under a bridge!
And that sounded good
Like hard rain on soft streets
Like everything you say
That melts me like a mountain of ice
Breaking and caving into warm
Clean air
And everything is good
And strong
You
And the need for you
Ticking over like a big old clock
Or a heart pump
Thumping in my chest
Ka-thump k-thump
And waiting
Coiled
Like an animal in heat
Laser-like and sure
With pure intent
Only the soft glow
Honey-dripping tenderness of you
Seeping in
Deep into the creases of my heart
Shimmering like glints of coal
Mined from the dark
And being with you
Online and reaching out
To touch your pixelated skin
Everything I ever wanted to
Breath in
And hold and enter
Something sure
And pure and holy
Something to be met and
Cloaked in gold.

I wanna hold your hand

*********************

And yet my heart said GO

And already I could not
Let
You
Go
I took you back with me
And felt
A tiny miracle unfold
My heart skipped
And slowed
And then you came again
And then my heart said
WAIT!
Aren't you the one?
And then another night, another night
Until my heart stopped beating
And only the sound of your breath made sense
Breath by breath
Until there was no sense to anything
Except dark stone streets
And star cold nights
and the thought of you
In
My
Arms
Forever
And then we parted
And my heart lay on the lobby floor
Gilded in a flood of golden light
And shattered in a tiny million
pieces.
And then I knew

You are the one.

*******************************

Lead me on if you must

Take my heart and my love
Take of me all that you want
And if there's a thing that you need
I'd give you the breath that I breathe
N' if ever you yearn for the love in me
Whenever Wherever Whatever

Wish I knew if I could
Be the one that you would 
Love for ever n' and a day baby
And if there's a thing that you need
For you n' your blood I would bleed
N' if ever you yearn for the love in me
Whichever Wherever Whatever

And if there's a thing that you need
I'd give you the breathe
N' if ever you yearn for the love in me
Whenever Wherever Whatever

sexy and clever

... and so it has begun...

years and years of roaming, experimenting, remaining aware, passing by, to acknowledging, greeting, chatting and talking, flirting, after appearing in mutual social events (mostly my own), to risking, dining, connecting, joining, exchanging, sharing and eventually...

i have said it before and i'm writing it again here, when one door closes, either by choice or necessity, another one opens and when one is willing and brave enough to get rid of the dead wood and let go of the unwanted/ outworn and the downright boring, then... one might experience a little or big, but definite substantial thunderbolt of the explosive and sparkling kind, as neither of us, not even me, know what is around the corner, awaiting, to surprise us...

and suddenly, all the carefully crafted walls of defense and protection, begin to crumble, like sand mixed with water and although, initially painful, the process is eased and the adrenaline kicks in, like thick honey, dripping and coating the freshly toasted and buttered slice...

bliss? at last? frogs and princes? destiny justified? let up? a break given by life? happiness? ecstasy? pure desire? physical and mental challenge? again, at last?

well, it is a yes!
i write with excitement and gentleness at the same time and my perverse appetite is satisfied, despite my early risings and time keeping polishing... what? me?

i take a look and observe my own self... the way i feel and relate and act and behave and i never knew i would be so ripe, so naturally eased and inclined in some fine and good quality camaraderie of sorts; senses titillated and satisfied, personae exposed and a give and take, in action, token and primal offerings...

suddenly, my own monster/ vampire, who needed no one, would not allow anyone in, with some distant, evasive and enigmatic existence, is letting  the senses and the veins to take over, pumping, zinging, pinching, biting, licking and kissing, causing some sweet pain and divine pleasure, which lingers in my mind and resonates in my body, even now, that i'm compiling this, for a further understanding, recording and further experiencing...!

hot!

i'm stronger and alert, awake and in a state of urgency and tying up the loose ends for the extension of pleasure, the ultimate freedom and the expression of kindness, intensity and love...

there is no need for declarations, dissections and projections, expectations and demands... we are old enough, wise enough, experienced enough, individualistic enough to know better and do better and we do indeed: know and act... there is honesty and respect, there is understanding and support, there is affection and warmth, there is attraction and depth, there is sensuality and desire, there is style and uniqueness, there is some worry and some protection, there are some tears of joy and some tears of elation... in body and soul... 

and for the first time, or in a long time, there is no idealisation, but reality and reality can be beautiful, sexy and clever and substantial...

to be lived and relished and evolved and nurtured... we continue...

i can only count my blessings for recognising something that could potentially, if not already, be very good, very real, very amazing for me (my growth and my warmth)

and i feel that i'm completing my circle, which has been forming for some time now, but that is another post altogether...

thank you.

reviewing, beginning, continuing...

london in the south east area... monday 2 january 2012... 5:10am


HAPPY NEW YEAR world and people!


i went out last night... to perform my ritual... bass and dirty tunage among non coordinated, extra happy and drained/ fresh folk to welcome the new year!


i went out late, because i am a vegetarian vampire, who comes alive after dark, plus i had been working the night before (nye) and went to a party afterwards, which ended, at least for me, at noon the next day (nyd)... so i needed to sleep, eat and feel more 'human', before even considering showering and getting ready; working it, still and for how long? for as long is a piece of string... so to speak...


i had fun and a good dance with my friends and it was good to see other peeps, kiss them, hug them, wish them and vice versa...


there were a lot of them missing, at least by the time i got there, which was ok, as it did not repeat history too much... there were no tears, just smiling and dancing, which is what a good party is all about and i suddenly had a whoosh of some kind of epiphany and announced to one of my friends: ' i want a girlfriend this year '... it just came out of my mouth and this is neither how i envisage stuff, not mention the word 'girlfriend' (i prefer lover or partner), but it just came out of my mouth and we both smiled!


this is another year full of infinite possibilities and i can feel it more strongly, without just putting it down to the excitement and anticipation that the new year brings... i feel stuff and perhaps i can see stuff too, positive and correct, taking place and manifesting... but i shall say no more, as the mystery/ protection/ humility is more important than the broadcast, plus the ears which might be listening, could be the wrong ones...


i had a quiet christmas, looking after two friends' flat and their cat: an adorable 5 month tabby, super cuddly and soft and good natured... by no means, he was replacing trixie, but, since this was my first xmas without her, he was a great company, filling a small gap...
i was alone, as almost every year, with no concern for the outside world (getting ready, driving somewhere, alarm always on)... i slept long hours, which is what i mostly need in times such as these, bought and cooked my own meal, watched films and bonded with the cat... i answered a lot of well wished texts and messages and continued my process of elimination with someone new, but wrong at this time and vice versa...


i wept very little and because of a film...


as the year has begun; i am busy (i have been busy for so long...) with a lot of work, a new project and sorting out practical matters, very essential for my mental health, independence and security and above all, a private life...


i am grateful for my life and all it entails, but i am also allowed and i owe it to myself to change things for the better for me... all part of the process and a matter of very little time... so exciting!

i have not really made any particular resolutions; exersice more, read more, love more still continue, as well as including some more physical travelling and a few tweaks and check ups, but i would like to move on from harmful or potential, situations faster than i have done so far, with more brutality and less obsession, simply because it is not worth my time and my time is precious... and my energy, abundant, yet priceless and important...


yes to chances and opportunities, but definitely no to sadness and anxiety and justifying it by ifs and whens; no more saving and explaining stuff for others' sake... what is the point? 


yes to help, support, advice (when asked) and understanding and yes to love, but no to manipulation, rudeness and projected fears... again, what is the point?


my heart is solid and is filling up... i am calm, cool and collected and totally looking forward to what 2012 will bring and i know what i want from this year... and my intensity? paramount and apparent everytime, more and more to someone's peril, but to another's delight... every year, month, day, minute, second, moment, i come closer to my purpose... big stuff, so it makes great sense and at least to me, to eliminate, clean up and prepare for the blossom, with as much purity and truth and consistency... of course it'll get messy, dirty, silly, scary and it is my duty to deal and sort... and i shall...


keep it real and make it happen... one little trick is that, i'll have to want it and i'll have to allow it...


as before, so below


out with the old, in with the new; open heart, alert mind, willing body... and the soul: intact!


2 0 1 2 = 5... get it? 


thank you for everything up to now and beyond... x