love continues as always and so is freedom...

relating and referencing... where is amelia??

Amelia Earhart on Marriage

by Maria Popova

“I cannot guarantee to endure at all times the confinements of even an attractive cage.”

Charles Darwin gleefully weighed the pros and cons of marriage, ultimately deciding in its favor, while Susan Sontag called it “an institution committed to the dulling of the feelings.” But marriage, of course, is like most things in life — all else being equal, you get out of it exactly what you put in.

Amelia Earhart — pioneering aviator, bestselling author, and one altogether fierce lady — must have known that when she sat down on the morning of February 7th, 1931, and penned this exacting, resolute letter to her publicist and future husband, George Putnam. Found in the out-of-print volume Letters from Amelia, 1901-1937 (public library), it spells out (typo notwithstanding) exactly what Earhart wanted — and didn’t want — in a marriage, a bold testament to her independent spirit and liberal mindset just before the golden age of the housewife and shortly after the era of Victorian sexism.

Noank
Connecticut

The Square House
Church Street

Dear GPP

There are some things which should be writ before we are married — things we have talked over before — most of them.

You must know again my reluctance to marry, my feeling that I shatter thereby chances in work which means most to me. I feel the move just now as foolish as anything I could do. I know there may be compensations but have no heart to look ahead.

On our life together I want you to understand I shall not hold you to any midaevil code of faithfulness to me nor shall I consider myself bound to you similarly. If we can be honest I think the difficulties which arise may best be avoided should you or I become interested deeply (or in passing) in anyone else.

Please let us not interfere with the others’ work or play, nor let the world see our private joys or disagreements. In this connection I may have to keep some place where I can go to be myself, now and then, for I cannot guarantee to endure at all times the confinements of even an attractive cage.

I must exact a cruel promise and that is you will let me go in a year if we find no happiness together.

I will try to do my best in every way and give you that part of me you know and seem to want.

A.E.

The two married that afternoon. Putnam had proposed six times before Earhart finally said her highly conditional “yes.” She kept her last name and refused to be called Mrs. Putnam, even against The New York Times’ insistence. They remained together until Earhart’s tragic disappearance in 1937.

the art of losing

2.

i read somewhere:

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master; 
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.
Elizabeth Bishop

bare and brave

these wonderful wordings are written from the heart from a new angel, who appeared in my life recently and i found him; S. G is here to stay... he jotted them down with the immense love he feels for his lover H. P and shared them with me, upon our conversation on love and pain and the ultimate elation... enjoy them readers, feel them and relate to them, like i did, as they make me think and feel more for my... they are truly spectacular! x

You entered - unannounced -
My small heart skipped a beat
I looked, you stalled
And
Still my heart skipped a beat
A beat, a beat.
I took you by the hand
And you said Wait!
I Just Arrived!

I said we should meet
And you said
Anywhere - even under a bridge!
And that sounded good
Like hard rain on soft streets
Like everything you say
That melts me like a mountain of ice
Breaking and caving into warm
Clean air
And everything is good
And strong
You
And the need for you
Ticking over like a big old clock
Or a heart pump
Thumping in my chest
Ka-thump k-thump
And waiting
Coiled
Like an animal in heat
Laser-like and sure
With pure intent
Only the soft glow
Honey-dripping tenderness of you
Seeping in
Deep into the creases of my heart
Shimmering like glints of coal
Mined from the dark
And being with you
Online and reaching out
To touch your pixelated skin
Everything I ever wanted to
Breath in
And hold and enter
Something sure
And pure and holy
Something to be met and
Cloaked in gold.

I wanna hold your hand

*********************

And yet my heart said GO

And already I could not
Let
You
Go
I took you back with me
And felt
A tiny miracle unfold
My heart skipped
And slowed
And then you came again
And then my heart said
WAIT!
Aren't you the one?
And then another night, another night
Until my heart stopped beating
And only the sound of your breath made sense
Breath by breath
Until there was no sense to anything
Except dark stone streets
And star cold nights
and the thought of you
In
My
Arms
Forever
And then we parted
And my heart lay on the lobby floor
Gilded in a flood of golden light
And shattered in a tiny million
pieces.
And then I knew

You are the one.

*******************************

Lead me on if you must

Take my heart and my love
Take of me all that you want
And if there's a thing that you need
I'd give you the breath that I breathe
N' if ever you yearn for the love in me
Whenever Wherever Whatever

Wish I knew if I could
Be the one that you would 
Love for ever n' and a day baby
And if there's a thing that you need
For you n' your blood I would bleed
N' if ever you yearn for the love in me
Whichever Wherever Whatever

And if there's a thing that you need
I'd give you the breathe
N' if ever you yearn for the love in me
Whenever Wherever Whatever

'whole hole' and 'the speed of stav'

august 21. 
thankfully the summer is still here with rays and warmth. yummy tummy feelings of hope and joy, but not always...

it has gone dark already... i sidetracked myself wih a precious dialoque and a snooze... it's good to be back here, i was missing uploading so much, but i was otherwise engaged... does it matter? i'm here; i never left...

i fell asleep...

august 22. 
south east london. 8:21am. i smell a bit of autumn and although i love this season so much, i am not ready for it... need to nest, first...

as usual, a lot is happening in my reality, keeping me on my toes, challenged, busy, uncomfortable, alive, sharp and aware... new lessons, hopefully, new and less mistakes and definitely, new experiences and adventures, which is what is all about... o. yes, with new folk, too.

where was i?

that story, i gave some kind of importance to, because i needed to and because it was mine, happening to me and taught me that it was all about people and not gender, has withered away successfully and with not too much or very little, or no pain and grain and trauma at all, as it came to its natural end, in its own time, after a platonic existence, which hurt neither parts (although the other still craves the attention; not me).

phew!

it was a nice little interlude based on fantasy, style, fashion and gender struggle and the refusal to compromise... my mentoring was inexhaustible for a very long time, until and thank goodness, a catalyst, redefined my position and i escaped the potential shackles it could have brought me... mind numbing and soul stifling and i'm too old and wise for that, plus there was no love, just power, again, phew!


and i continue... do i have a choice, but to carry on eating life and all its dishes, fattening my starving heart with nutrients of excitement and the new, the fresh, the crazy, the essential, the beautiful... and with love, just around the corner to get me out of my self - inflicted control and stubborness...

and again, phew! i sould not forget to breathe...

which bring me to the now:

i work a lot and most of the time. it's good for me to be busy and to focus on my own projects and making a living for survival and help the others, without being an idiot, but i am also reaching burnt out levels, which i am trying to eliminate with detachment, internal space finding and a day off!
i am tired, but not as i write, because i did take a day off, yesterday, ate greens, devoured six apricots, drank a lot of water, smoked no cigarettes, drank no alcohol and snoozed and slept early, after sending a message, with a lovely thought or two and with no hesitation.

i have chopped bloodlessly, very effectively and completely a few rotten branches from my tree, which, at first seemed to be fun and good and important, only to prove with time and circumstance, ridiculous, selfish, vouyeuristic, creepy and totally overstepping the mark, in the name of friendship and closeness! dangerous and not even challenging! out out out forever and away..., but i knew all along and sometimes, it's good to give some stuff a chance, but only sometimes... as the instincts never fail to fail me...

and i'm growing, cultivating, developing and letting in the well deserved elements, contributing to my precious life! and having so much fun, on top of it, too... with the most wonderful company...

... fresh and wild and totally smart... a little genius, toying within the realms of madness and the extremities of expression via the sounds of music and the layers of emotion... at last, some true, genuine, undiluted intensity, i can relate to, be part of and exchange with...

... and i'm inspired again, smiling again, excited again, apprehensive again, a tad nervous and very sensitive, but brutal and tough and totally into it, anticipating, not the outcome, but the unravelling and all because a new mirror has been discovered to show me up, dust my chair, get me out of my comfort zone, consider me an individual and not some fantastical entity, with a juicy dialogue and a lot of huggings... music? galore! and laughter!

i take it with ease, but not triviality, i smother it not, but totally protect it, as i know it has already faced opposition and misunderstood points of view, laced with jealousy and antagonism... i will strike harder than before, should anyone or anything even begins to consider a demise... keeping it safe, trusting, warm and free and very loving... it is rather simple and no one's business...

my social position, through fate and choice, has brought an array of attentive reactions, demands and responsibility... 
i must take care not to lose myself in some professional abyss, eaten slowly by moths and worms and disappearing in some detrimental race of mundanity and wallowing hollowness... just saying to pinch and remind myself, as i know that this is not going to be possible, even if i slip...

i am a whole hole and super fast... emerging!

i'm called 'the speed of stav' and i begin to realise that is is no exaggeration... good to have the voice to remind me... good to have a voice and the power of kicking against the pricks!

i'll be back... the day has begun and it smells of promise...

but before i go and as i know that death is part of life and the only thing that leaves this earth is the material, i would like to bid farewell to two individuals, whose journey has begun somewhere else, although, without their loved ones, with rest, peace and memory: felix and yana... x

nearly...

it's cold... monday has already begun two hours and thirty seven minutes ago... and i am tucked in bed, listening to jill scott, with wet eyes, a small sadness and a abundant anticipation for whatever will come next and when...as an exhausting and rich week has just ended and with it, perhaps a friendship...


i/ we come and go, i/ we move constantly, life goes on and on, despite the bumps and smoothings and offerings and happenings thrown at it/ me/ us...


i've been feeling blue all day and i thought of blurting it out here, for some personal understanding and replenishing and hopefully with no or at least little self indulgence...


where to begin from?


it is nearly the end of the month; a distant lover's birthday and i'm further isolating myself into the oblivion of my own destiny


do i provoke my own fate for the challenge? or am i outright misunderstood?
no matter what happens, with who and when, i must remain consistent, passionate, hungry, intelligent, alive, awake and forever creative...


as time slips from my hands and as i am having really and deep down the time of my life, i have this need to archive and make sense of it all with furtive curiosity and genuine interest.


the far away and stay away land has woken up to some kind of conscientious guilt and tragic realisation: after eighteen months of persistent silence and blocking, which, clearly has helped a lot for my healing and natural poison extraction, i received an one liner, just one day before a very important event with the presence of someone with some kind of importance in my life... one line with a small kiss... 


it meant nothing more or les that it wrote and it created some kind of reaction, which did not include a response or a desire for one and lasted for a few hours after some tears of finally being acknowledged and the ultimate closure, which i reached a very long time ago...


i am clean and alone for the time being and the cup of my heart has started to fill... i am consistently breaking my patterns, pushing the boundaries, feel fear less and knowing that i have nothing to lose, makes me even stronger and life easier... maintaining of course a small portion of mystery, as, too full, too quickly, will ruin the appetite!


not quite there yet, but nearly... it will all fall into place and make sense... meanwhile, i work a lot! 


salaam alaikum soon please... and love, always and plenty...