the cigarette was half lit earlier; i know what that means (i have not drunk for four weeks, i still smoke, but, consciously and in specific occasions, not as much as, say in the summer)
i am anxious, excited, restless (and still cannot sleep), butterflies and ribbons in my stomach; knots and wings...
last night, i cut another piece of myself and gave it wholeheartedly to a friend who deserved it
my secret questioning of what i deserve and my secret yearning for my love were put aside, but never unimportantly, as i was feeling the love, the closeness, the camaraderie...
i am here, but far away drifting, roaming, wandering... that has been going on for some time
i am silent and distant, but talkative and near
inside my head, there is a dialogue (no, i am not hearing voices, but another loop of my life is unravelling)
i am wearing my masks well, like the perfect performer, knowing the cues, but i am real, truer every day, sharp, awake... and my heart: wide open... i am getting closer...
