HAPPY NEW YEAR world and people!
i went out last night... to perform my ritual... bass and dirty tunage among non coordinated, extra happy and drained/ fresh folk to welcome the new year!
i went out late, because i am a vegetarian vampire, who comes alive after dark, plus i had been working the night before (nye) and went to a party afterwards, which ended, at least for me, at noon the next day (nyd)... so i needed to sleep, eat and feel more 'human', before even considering showering and getting ready; working it, still and for how long? for as long is a piece of string... so to speak...
i had fun and a good dance with my friends and it was good to see other peeps, kiss them, hug them, wish them and vice versa...
there were a lot of them missing, at least by the time i got there, which was ok, as it did not repeat history too much... there were no tears, just smiling and dancing, which is what a good party is all about and i suddenly had a whoosh of some kind of epiphany and announced to one of my friends: ' i want a girlfriend this year '... it just came out of my mouth and this is neither how i envisage stuff, not mention the word 'girlfriend' (i prefer lover or partner), but it just came out of my mouth and we both smiled!
this is another year full of infinite possibilities and i can feel it more strongly, without just putting it down to the excitement and anticipation that the new year brings... i feel stuff and perhaps i can see stuff too, positive and correct, taking place and manifesting... but i shall say no more, as the mystery/ protection/ humility is more important than the broadcast, plus the ears which might be listening, could be the wrong ones...
i had a quiet christmas, looking after two friends' flat and their cat: an adorable 5 month tabby, super cuddly and soft and good natured... by no means, he was replacing trixie, but, since this was my first xmas without her, he was a great company, filling a small gap...
i was alone, as almost every year, with no concern for the outside world (getting ready, driving somewhere, alarm always on)... i slept long hours, which is what i mostly need in times such as these, bought and cooked my own meal, watched films and bonded with the cat... i answered a lot of well wished texts and messages and continued my process of elimination with someone new, but wrong at this time and vice versa...
i wept very little and because of a film...
as the year has begun; i am busy (i have been busy for so long...) with a lot of work, a new project and sorting out practical matters, very essential for my mental health, independence and security and above all, a private life...
i am grateful for my life and all it entails, but i am also allowed and i owe it to myself to change things for the better for me... all part of the process and a matter of very little time... so exciting!
yes to chances and opportunities, but definitely no to sadness and anxiety and justifying it by ifs and whens; no more saving and explaining stuff for others' sake... what is the point?
yes to help, support, advice (when asked) and understanding and yes to love, but no to manipulation, rudeness and projected fears... again, what is the point?
my heart is solid and is filling up... i am calm, cool and collected and totally looking forward to what 2012 will bring and i know what i want from this year... and my intensity? paramount and apparent everytime, more and more to someone's peril, but to another's delight... every year, month, day, minute, second, moment, i come closer to my purpose... big stuff, so it makes great sense and at least to me, to eliminate, clean up and prepare for the blossom, with as much purity and truth and consistency... of course it'll get messy, dirty, silly, scary and it is my duty to deal and sort... and i shall...
keep it real and make it happen... one little trick is that, i'll have to want it and i'll have to allow it...
as before, so below
out with the old, in with the new; open heart, alert mind, willing body... and the soul: intact!
2 0 1 2 = 5... get it?
thank you for everything up to now and beyond... x
