11:30pm alone somewhere semi busy and quasi loud, i am writing... i'm overwhelmed with emotion and excitement, anxiety metamorphosed... it's close, very close, but not quite there yet, but i feel it intensely, breathlessly... it's sexy painful sweet strong and full of love/ this is my spring... my little secret to relish and protect... more later...
27 march 2013 10:24am/ 06:24am spring is here in theory and of course being in london, is still chilly to freezing with rare sunny spells for a tease and some vitamin D. of course everyone is moaning and of course it's boring and of course i write about it, but i shall say no more... my state of urgency continues via my writings, thinkings, feelings and listenings to piano sonatas for exam study on spotify, reminding me of my old piano lessons in quite rooms, with a wonderful wood and keys smell of sweet must lingering in the air as i was flying with my fingers... full of nostalgia and somewhat melancholy, but i'm mostly positive and calm and warm, which i have not felt for some time. i had breakfast in bed; two fried eggs in olive oil with chilli flakes, a pinch of cayenne pepper and a pinch of smoked paprika and a generous dollop of guacamole and a glass of water... i crave something sweet now for the coating of my heart and not my indulgent greed... alas... there is only honey... i feel clean and hopeful and thankful and excited a little bit... as i feel and know that things and circumstances are shifting to an although and at the moment undefined stage, it's all very good indeed. i had six small squares of chocolate brownies from waitrose later and i watched a movie on love, made in the big apple, which has been my propensity as of late... ......................................................................................................... 21:23pm/ 17:23pm fuck all that! today i'm angry, like most days lately anyway and not because i'm not getting what i want, rubbish, i ALWAYS get what i want anyway, i just have to want it, but because i am sick and tired of being taken out into the the vast seas and left there without a rubber ring; do you honestly think i cannot swim? the question is do i have to swim alone... again? i exhaled and i stopped... the ego cannot and won't take over for too long... my chariot is on fire and i am victorious!
these wonderful wordings are written from the heart from a new angel, who appeared in my life recently and i found him; S. G is here to stay... he jotted them down with the immense love he feels for his lover H. P and shared them with me, upon our conversation on love and pain and the ultimate elation... enjoy them readers, feel them and relate to them, like i did, as they make me think and feel more for my... they are truly spectacular! x
You entered - unannounced -
My small heart skipped a beat
I looked, you stalled
And
Still my heart skipped a beat
A beat, a beat.
I took you by the hand
And you said Wait!
I Just Arrived!
I said we should meet
And you said
Anywhere - even under a bridge!
And that sounded good
Like hard rain on soft streets
Like everything you say
That melts me like a mountain of ice
Breaking and caving into warm
Clean air
And everything is good
And strong
You
And the need for you
Ticking over like a big old clock
Or a heart pump
Thumping in my chest
Ka-thump k-thump
And waiting
Coiled
Like an animal in heat
Laser-like and sure
With pure intent
Only the soft glow
Honey-dripping tenderness of you
Seeping in
Deep into the creases of my heart
Shimmering like glints of coal
Mined from the dark
And being with you
Online and reaching out
To touch your pixelated skin
Everything I ever wanted to
Breath in
And hold and enter
Something sure
And pure and holy
Something to be met and
Cloaked in gold.
I wanna hold your hand
********************* And yet my heart said GO
And already I could not
Let
You
Go
I took you back with me
And felt
A tiny miracle unfold
My heart skipped
And slowed
And then you came again
And then my heart said
WAIT!
Aren't you the one?
And then another night, another night
Until my heart stopped beating
And only the sound of your breath made sense
Breath by breath
Until there was no sense to anything
Except dark stone streets
And star cold nights
and the thought of you
In
My
Arms
Forever
And then we parted
And my heart lay on the lobby floor
Gilded in a flood of golden light
And shattered in a tiny million
pieces.
And then I knew
You are the one.
******************************* Lead me on if you must
Take my heart and my love Take of me all that you want And if there's a thing that you need I'd give you the breath that I breathe N' if ever you yearn for the love in me Whenever Wherever Whatever
Wish I knew if I could Be the one that you would Love for ever n' and a day baby And if there's a thing that you need For you n' your blood I would bleed N' if ever you yearn for the love in me Whichever Wherever Whatever
And if there's a thing that you need I'd give you the breathe N' if ever you yearn for the love in me Whenever Wherever Whatever
