10:24am/ 06:24am
spring is here in theory and of course being in london, is still chilly to freezing with rare sunny spells for a tease and some vitamin D.
of course everyone is moaning and of course it's boring and of course i write about it, but i shall say no more...
my state of urgency continues via my writings, thinkings, feelings and listenings to piano sonatas for exam study on spotify, reminding me of my old piano lessons in quite rooms, with a wonderful wood and keys smell of sweet must lingering in the air as i was flying with my fingers...
full of nostalgia and somewhat melancholy, but i'm mostly positive and calm and warm, which i have not felt for some time.
i had breakfast in bed; two fried eggs in olive oil with chilli flakes, a pinch of cayenne pepper and a pinch of smoked paprika and a generous dollop of guacamole and a glass of water... i crave something sweet now for the coating of my heart and not my indulgent greed...
alas... there is only honey...
i feel clean and hopeful and thankful and excited a little bit... as i feel and know that things and circumstances are shifting to an although and at the moment undefined stage, it's all very good indeed.
i had six small squares of chocolate brownies from waitrose later and i watched a movie on love, made in the big apple, which has been my propensity as of late...
.........................................................................................................
21:23pm/ 17:23pm
fuck all that!
today i'm angry, like most days lately anyway and not because i'm not getting what i want, rubbish, i ALWAYS get what i want anyway, i just have to want it, but because i am sick and tired of being taken out into the the vast seas and left there without a rubber ring; do you honestly think i cannot swim?
the question is do i have to swim alone... again?
i exhaled and i stopped... the ego cannot and won't take over for too long...
my chariot is on fire and i am victorious!
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