nearly...

it's cold... monday has already begun two hours and thirty seven minutes ago... and i am tucked in bed, listening to jill scott, with wet eyes, a small sadness and a abundant anticipation for whatever will come next and when...as an exhausting and rich week has just ended and with it, perhaps a friendship...


i/ we come and go, i/ we move constantly, life goes on and on, despite the bumps and smoothings and offerings and happenings thrown at it/ me/ us...


i've been feeling blue all day and i thought of blurting it out here, for some personal understanding and replenishing and hopefully with no or at least little self indulgence...


where to begin from?


it is nearly the end of the month; a distant lover's birthday and i'm further isolating myself into the oblivion of my own destiny


do i provoke my own fate for the challenge? or am i outright misunderstood?
no matter what happens, with who and when, i must remain consistent, passionate, hungry, intelligent, alive, awake and forever creative...


as time slips from my hands and as i am having really and deep down the time of my life, i have this need to archive and make sense of it all with furtive curiosity and genuine interest.


the far away and stay away land has woken up to some kind of conscientious guilt and tragic realisation: after eighteen months of persistent silence and blocking, which, clearly has helped a lot for my healing and natural poison extraction, i received an one liner, just one day before a very important event with the presence of someone with some kind of importance in my life... one line with a small kiss... 


it meant nothing more or les that it wrote and it created some kind of reaction, which did not include a response or a desire for one and lasted for a few hours after some tears of finally being acknowledged and the ultimate closure, which i reached a very long time ago...


i am clean and alone for the time being and the cup of my heart has started to fill... i am consistently breaking my patterns, pushing the boundaries, feel fear less and knowing that i have nothing to lose, makes me even stronger and life easier... maintaining of course a small portion of mystery, as, too full, too quickly, will ruin the appetite!


not quite there yet, but nearly... it will all fall into place and make sense... meanwhile, i work a lot! 


salaam alaikum soon please... and love, always and plenty...