'You matter to me. In a way I cannot explain, you matter to me. And you, you are a marvel... you and all the parts of you'.
Love...
the egg of my existence has been barely cooked and now it's runny and gooey and incredibly fragile and robust at the same time... it has been my surprise and my delight simultaneously and it makes me nervous and restless and calm with tied hands in ribbons and a freer heart... does this make sense?
does it have to?
i'm feeling... cold and warmth and anxiety and excitement and hope and despair and so much love... it leaves me breathless and secure and hanging from an invisible cliff...
i'm fighting my ego, yet i remain stubborn and put... when the anger dissipates, kindness resides... compassion, even... what is happening to me?
i'm raising the stakes and sustaining the silence for the ultimate result - my own... my duty and responsibility and not my ambition...
deep down, i wish to make things simpler and ask for what i want, enquire for what i find out, use the telephone for the voice to ring, declare for the emotions to be expressed, or close the door firmly behind me and walk away...
instead, i wait...
because i do not want to call, to see, to speak, to state, to ask, to escape... not now, not yet...
maybe tomorrow, in the new of the day...
i'm numb and overwhelmed... i'm fortunate...
to be continued...
