i read somewhere... 31 december 2019...

without ignoring the calamities/ problems/ frustrations/ disasters in the world we have all created and are responsible for... but since it is the last day of the year and the last day of a decade, allow me to throw some positivity around, a little glitter, a little sparkle, a little hope, as the fight and the love continue before we all perish...

i shall share with you my last, for 2019, i read somewhere, full of hard work, the unlearning of the bullshit, the total destruction of anything toxic in your life, from the government to any relationships, including the one with yourself and all the revelations, reflections, results and directions, you'll be able to decipher and unravel and finally practice, when and not if, you get ready to take the leap...

i wish you all a better, different, spectacular start; stay healthy, safe, creative, radical, resistant and keep swimming... <3 span="">

ps. this is not to be considered as some self serving mumbo jumbo motherfucker; just a little reminder of what alive, thinking and doing can achieve. x

I invite you to say/ think this:

love everything about you, your beauty and pain, hungry soul, wounded longing, flaws and fears.
do not betray or deceive yourself
believe, forgive and adore yourself
accept, amuse and redeem yourself

feed and nourish your body and spirit
be with people who deserve us and vice versa
communicate with a yes and a no
respect our planet and its animals and plants, the rivers, lakes, oceans, skies and forests
spread the love
smash the bullshit patriarchy and all the shackles enslaving us all
believe that fortune will visit, to eradicate limitations and encourage braver horizons

devote yourselves and fight hard to cultivate
beauty, truth, love, justice, equality, tolerance, creativity, playfulness, and hope

"Every minute of every hour of every day you are making the world, just
as you are making yourself, and you might as well do it with generosity
and kindness and style."
Rebecca Solnit

know the problem, solve the problem and provide antidotes to the world's poisons, with love and power

"We should feel excited about the problems we confront and our ability to
deal with them.
Solving problems is one of the
highest and most sensual of all our brain functions."
Robert Wilson

remember
you can make a difference
stay humble and learn from it
help and serve your fellow person
take yourself serious and have fun with it too
remember the coin has two sides; a good and bad
take the leap, recognise your fears, how freeing
thank yourselves for having the nous to identify the idiocies and then smashing them

we are human, we are a cluster of everything fluid and messy, we are victorious.

with love and anticipation. 

i read somewhere... 25 december 2019...

before i disappear into my own festive embrace in the kitchen (cooking up a festive feast) and on the sofa, by the tree (for the yearly treat)... i am spreading some positivity, warmth and love, today and everyday from this day forward. <3 span="">

with my festive special 'i read somewhere':

"Surround yourself with people whose eyes light up when they see you and who have no agenda for your reform.

Change yourself in the way you want everyone else to change

Love your enemies in case your friends turn out to be jerks

Write a love letter to your evil twin during a lunar eclipse

Dream up wilder, wetter, more interesting problems

Change your name every day for a thousand days

Exaggerate your flaws till they turn into virtues

Kill the apocalypse and annihilate Armageddon

Brag about what you can't do and don't have

Bow down to the greatest mystery you know

Make fun of people who make fun of people

Scare yourself with how beautiful you are

Pretend your wounds are exotic tattoos

Sing anarchist lullabies to lesbian trees

Commit a crime that breaks no laws

Sip the tears of someone you love

Give yourself another chance

Play games with no rules

Relax and go deeper

Mock your fears

Drink the sun".

Fall in love with your life over and over... <3 span="">

I wish you all a wonderful time with your selves and loved ones.
Keep warm, keep safe and remember the ones who have less than you or nothing at all.
Think of those who will never see festivities because of wars and displacement.
Think of those who are ill.
Think of those who have departed this realm.

And remember how fortunate you are for being healthy, alive, prosperous, loved and loving.

Keep swimming and keep the aspidistra flying; we have work to do in the bettering of our world.

In peace and love. 

bare and brave

these wonderful wordings are written from the heart from a new angel, who appeared in my life recently and i found him; S. G is here to stay... he jotted them down with the immense love he feels for his lover H. P and shared them with me, upon our conversation on love and pain and the ultimate elation... enjoy them readers, feel them and relate to them, like i did, as they make me think and feel more for my... they are truly spectacular! x

You entered - unannounced -
My small heart skipped a beat
I looked, you stalled
And
Still my heart skipped a beat
A beat, a beat.
I took you by the hand
And you said Wait!
I Just Arrived!

I said we should meet
And you said
Anywhere - even under a bridge!
And that sounded good
Like hard rain on soft streets
Like everything you say
That melts me like a mountain of ice
Breaking and caving into warm
Clean air
And everything is good
And strong
You
And the need for you
Ticking over like a big old clock
Or a heart pump
Thumping in my chest
Ka-thump k-thump
And waiting
Coiled
Like an animal in heat
Laser-like and sure
With pure intent
Only the soft glow
Honey-dripping tenderness of you
Seeping in
Deep into the creases of my heart
Shimmering like glints of coal
Mined from the dark
And being with you
Online and reaching out
To touch your pixelated skin
Everything I ever wanted to
Breath in
And hold and enter
Something sure
And pure and holy
Something to be met and
Cloaked in gold.

I wanna hold your hand

*********************

And yet my heart said GO

And already I could not
Let
You
Go
I took you back with me
And felt
A tiny miracle unfold
My heart skipped
And slowed
And then you came again
And then my heart said
WAIT!
Aren't you the one?
And then another night, another night
Until my heart stopped beating
And only the sound of your breath made sense
Breath by breath
Until there was no sense to anything
Except dark stone streets
And star cold nights
and the thought of you
In
My
Arms
Forever
And then we parted
And my heart lay on the lobby floor
Gilded in a flood of golden light
And shattered in a tiny million
pieces.
And then I knew

You are the one.

*******************************

Lead me on if you must

Take my heart and my love
Take of me all that you want
And if there's a thing that you need
I'd give you the breath that I breathe
N' if ever you yearn for the love in me
Whenever Wherever Whatever

Wish I knew if I could
Be the one that you would 
Love for ever n' and a day baby
And if there's a thing that you need
For you n' your blood I would bleed
N' if ever you yearn for the love in me
Whichever Wherever Whatever

And if there's a thing that you need
I'd give you the breathe
N' if ever you yearn for the love in me
Whenever Wherever Whatever

sexy and clever

... and so it has begun...

years and years of roaming, experimenting, remaining aware, passing by, to acknowledging, greeting, chatting and talking, flirting, after appearing in mutual social events (mostly my own), to risking, dining, connecting, joining, exchanging, sharing and eventually...

i have said it before and i'm writing it again here, when one door closes, either by choice or necessity, another one opens and when one is willing and brave enough to get rid of the dead wood and let go of the unwanted/ outworn and the downright boring, then... one might experience a little or big, but definite substantial thunderbolt of the explosive and sparkling kind, as neither of us, not even me, know what is around the corner, awaiting, to surprise us...

and suddenly, all the carefully crafted walls of defense and protection, begin to crumble, like sand mixed with water and although, initially painful, the process is eased and the adrenaline kicks in, like thick honey, dripping and coating the freshly toasted and buttered slice...

bliss? at last? frogs and princes? destiny justified? let up? a break given by life? happiness? ecstasy? pure desire? physical and mental challenge? again, at last?

well, it is a yes!
i write with excitement and gentleness at the same time and my perverse appetite is satisfied, despite my early risings and time keeping polishing... what? me?

i take a look and observe my own self... the way i feel and relate and act and behave and i never knew i would be so ripe, so naturally eased and inclined in some fine and good quality camaraderie of sorts; senses titillated and satisfied, personae exposed and a give and take, in action, token and primal offerings...

suddenly, my own monster/ vampire, who needed no one, would not allow anyone in, with some distant, evasive and enigmatic existence, is letting  the senses and the veins to take over, pumping, zinging, pinching, biting, licking and kissing, causing some sweet pain and divine pleasure, which lingers in my mind and resonates in my body, even now, that i'm compiling this, for a further understanding, recording and further experiencing...!

hot!

i'm stronger and alert, awake and in a state of urgency and tying up the loose ends for the extension of pleasure, the ultimate freedom and the expression of kindness, intensity and love...

there is no need for declarations, dissections and projections, expectations and demands... we are old enough, wise enough, experienced enough, individualistic enough to know better and do better and we do indeed: know and act... there is honesty and respect, there is understanding and support, there is affection and warmth, there is attraction and depth, there is sensuality and desire, there is style and uniqueness, there is some worry and some protection, there are some tears of joy and some tears of elation... in body and soul... 

and for the first time, or in a long time, there is no idealisation, but reality and reality can be beautiful, sexy and clever and substantial...

to be lived and relished and evolved and nurtured... we continue...

i can only count my blessings for recognising something that could potentially, if not already, be very good, very real, very amazing for me (my growth and my warmth)

and i feel that i'm completing my circle, which has been forming for some time now, but that is another post altogether...

thank you.

roses and thorns

i am just coming out of an iceberg, which nearly burned me...
it started in july... i was alone, which really has been my state for some time... normal... a messy black thunder entered my orbit and something cracked, or did i allow it to crack? i shall never know, nor i want to, either.

the fantasy -  reality begun: verbal and physical activity, viral communication, crazy talk, one sided generosity, half baked appreciation, fear, madness, a lot of laughter, music, intensity, which has ended in a semi blockage, lying and involving other people! well, that is enough!

although i understand, i won't allow it to affect me anymore; there will be no more chances, no room for negotiation, no reconciliation, no admittance to a potential big love, no excuses, no reaction to micro and poor politics and antics, because of the bleak past, which really has nothing to do with me and i am certainly not responsible for...

what i am responsible for, are my actions, projections and expectations and subsequently feelings, who i have kept close to my heart, revealed to no one and eventually buried in the abyss of my soul, never to be surfaced again... 

i simply refuse to be abused by someone, who i have cared deeply for, loved hard and asked nothing for in return... although my brutality and lack of gentleness and sometimes, i have been sound and consistent, fearfully protective and immensely nurturing and what i have had in return and, i say it again, without asking, is fundamentally, lack of respect, insult, gossip, misunderstanding and sheer stupidity... there is no point going through the debris to find the diamond... there is no diamond there, there was never a diamond there... i tried and anticipated and hoped and believed and waited and again, all the above, my own doing and responsibility, to be faced with, yet again another obstacle, another sign of insecurity, another thorn, cutting my side, bleeding it,  another part to heal again... no. i don't think so.

i have had a very interesting and challenging time, despite the darkness, but the darkness was thicker than the light and i have got to protect myself, therefore, i must go with no remorse, although i am filled with sadness and again and i suffer, but for not too long and with the least damage... 

... as i have been there may times and repeating the pattern and going through the same history, with a different protagonist, would be at least foolish from my part and i have neither time, nor patience for it...

love, which, i'm sure is there somewhere, has nothing to do with it and i'll be damned if i tolerate teenage shenanigans from someone, who takes no responsibility, because they are broken and damaged... no. i don't think so.

i also know that things will change, as the only consistent thing in our lives is change and it is all going to be water under the bridge, eventually, but for the time being, there is a a silent war and not only with one particular specimen of an individual, who i shall love forever, but a very small number of individuals, who, i come to realise, have always had some agenda and it will be quite difficult for me to consider friends again, as i never really thought they were in the first place...

meanwhile, apart from myself, i nurture the real people in my life, who are simply gorgeous, sexy, interesting, caring, loving, supporting and understanding and who deserve my attention and love... room for the new, the fresh, the right, the wonderful... for souls, who won't bend and compromise, because of the state of the world, won't lose faith and solidarity, because of fear and peer pressure and will remain their true selves, full of fire, energy and truth! and i'm blessed to be knowing such folk... fortunate...

and getting on with business, which is getting busier, better, more colourful and eventually, profitable... 

on my first quarrel, i wrote a performance, which i am eager to record and perform; it is my homage to myself and my goodbye to the story, which i was always aware about, even if i let myself immersed in it for a bit... i and we know deep in our hearts,  that the connection will never cease and true love and true friendship always shine... there is no worry there... life knows, fate knows, we know...

now, that i have cleaned up my act and there is so much room in my aura, something good is happening in the form of someone, warm and lovely with pains of their own dealt with the utmost integrity... more in the next post, as i need to catch my breath and feel it more...

onwards and upwards, i continue, do i have a choice?

mantra

Now a Mantra for your everyday use: 


Circumstances don't MATTER. Only my State Of Being MATTERS. 
What State Of Being do I prefer to be. (Bashar). Enjoy x
Hi Stav lol I've never been called an Angel before. I'll now include you in my motivational text outs. 
Think about this: You are joy, looking for a way to express. It's not just that your purpose is joy, it is that you are joy. 
You are love and joy and freedom and clarity expressing. 
Energy—frolicking and eager—that's who you are. And so, if you're always reaching for alignment with that, you're always on your path, and your path will take you into all kinds of places. 
We will not deny that you will not discover miracles and create benefits and be involved in creation, and that you will not uplift humanity—we will not say that you will not find satisfaction in so many things that you create, but we can't get away from the acknowledgment that you are Pure Positive Energy that translates into the human emotion of joy. 
Love Gary x

angels

i met gary and sharon at a bar i was managing nearly three years ago. i noticed them, as i notice all my customers, especially the interesting, stylish, eccentric ones, the ones who stand out in the crowd with their individual air and grace, privacy and integrity and behaviour and drinking habits. it was always a bottle of red wine and cappuccino for sharon...
we talked, we connected...


gary and sharon are the third couple from a different generation, but still alternative and modern; old souls, which have noticed me, recognised me, embraced me and encouraged me... i give thanks and in chronological order to barbara and douglas; kate and robert and sharon and gary; my fellow angels!


or shall i say we recognised each other?


all sharing similar traits: love and second chances (except g & s, who have loved and been with one another forever); style; art; business; work; imagination; passion; fun; generosity of spirit and spirituality; intuition; care; flexibility; understanding; a laisser faire laisser passe attitude to life and lots of red wine!


the texts below were received on christmas morning and the second day in the new year respectively and i have read them over and over, recognising what i already know and getting it into my head, that is how it is going to be... and realising, that i have guidance, so subtle, yet precious, i cannot believe my fortune...


i simply had to share and i hope this reaches the right minds , or the ones with a willingness to open wide all the layers...


bliss and gratitude... 


'Morning Stav how r u? Merry Christmas. 4 u: When you reach for the thought that feels better, the Universe is now responding differently to you because of that effort. And so, the things that follow you get better and better, too. So it gets easier to reach for the thought that feels better, because you are on ever-increasing, improving platforms that feel better. Say to yourself, 'Day by day, in everyway, I grow better and better'. Be passionate about your passion. Enjoy. Have fun. Love. Gary & Sharon x'


'Hi Stav this is 4 u 2 ponder on the second day of 2012. Take it with u into 2012: Expectation indicates the juncture between where you are and where you want to be. Where you want to be is your desire, and where you are is your Set-point or habit of thought. And, somewhere in there, is what we would call expectation. Expectation, whether it is wanted or unwanted, is a powerful point of attraction. Your expectation is always what you believe. But the word expectation does imply more what you are wanting than what you are not wanting. It is a more positive word than it is a negative word. But of course, you could expect negatively—and whatever you expect, you will get! HAPPY NEW YEAR. With Gratitude & Grace. Love Gary & Sharon x'


'Think about this: You are joy, looking for a way to express. It's not just that your purpose is joy, it is that you are joy. You are love and joy and freedom and clarity expressing. Energy—frolicking and eager—that's who you are. And so, if you're always reaching for alignment with that, you're always on your path, and your path will take you into all kinds of places. We will not deny that you will not discover miracles and create benefits and be involved in creation, and that you will not uplift humanity—we will not say that you will not find satisfaction in so many things that you create, but we can't get away from the acknowledgment that you are Pure Positive Energy that translates into the human emotion of joy. Love Gary x'


'Now a Mantra for your everyday use: Circumstances don't MATTER. Only my State Of Being MATTERS. What State Of Being do I prefer to be. (Bashar).'