i don't really want to express and/ or describe what a rollercoaster this year has been with all the wonderfulness and awfulness, nor i want to list the resolutions i would like to achieve...
instead, i'll let it roll in nicely, gently and intensely, via my long shift and my plethora of partying in my brand new outfit, get on with it, make it happen (again and always)
i'll fold the napkins of my life well and absolutely and lay the table with innocence, positivity and consistent faith... for the freshly sourced, prepared and served meals of my life to feed me with more experience, knowledge and understanding and love to grace my menu in all three lush courses...
i have been a tad anxious and sad lately and hugely disappointed and i take full responsibility for it, not because i have done something really wrong, but mainly because everything which happens in our lives is within our control to alter and develop, by breaking our own patterns and exercise our patience with flexibility and love...
yet again, i came across fear, ignorance, stiffness, narrow mindedness, anger, resentment, grudge, retribution, futile darkness; slithers of debris left from one to another and passed on... due to age, lack of experience and the alternative and a fair amount of naivete... pity... wrong time, wrong one; right time, right one (would we admit?); wrong time, right one; right time, wrong one... endless possibilities, infinite options, not to be taken on, as new and fresh and different... pity... however...
... as i have said before and i'm saying it again: everything happens for a reason and a good one too and as it should, so there is no point worrying and feeling sad, because the truth always prevails and the right thing is always performed and love always shines, so what is meant to be is meant to be and what is for us, won't go by us... and we don't have to be christians, muslims, buddhists, rastas, or any other label we choose to possess in order to avoid our responsibility to be good humans, tolerant and open minded, but humans full of acceptance and love, despite any shortcomings and bad experiences we went through in the course of our short lives... phew!
two wrongs don't make a right, i know this and although people will treat you the way they have been treated, because and for now, don't know any better, or are too lazy to take the leap and come out of their painful and self inflicted tight bud, you/ i / we have the duty to embrace them with more love, compassion and understanding, break the barriers, disarm them from their pointless artillery...
life is amazing and a wonderful gift and the darkness, the mistakes and the disappointments, part of the process, thrown at us, for the learning and overcoming...
these are my humble opinions and comprehensions and they work for me... i am not interested in recognition, ego satisfaction, or arrogance; i am totally capable in living these out by myself without an audience...
i am interested in life, people, emotions, actions, experiences, mental stimulations, danger and boundary pushing, as well, wide, lovingly, as possible... with decency and honesty and a pure heart...
i know i face opposition, misunderstanding, percecution, gossip, critique, negativity, projections, ridicule, isolation... in time, i have learned to turn it around, ignore it, filter it, fight it, challenge it, eradicate it... time has taught me, protected me, strengthened me, crystallised me and hardened me more...
all good and look forward to the more, but there is a catch:
too high, too advanced, too high the standards; everyone is dissected and finally sabotaged and not allowed in...
now, this is my challenge: am i to overturn it; eliminate it; destroy it...
so that i can construct the new?
time will tell... is that my easy way out??
can you hear me? i'm screaming!
the universe provides... and i am no fool...
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