springen aequinoctium 2012

march 21. wednesday. 14:41pm london, uk time... the sun is in aries/ spring equinox and i am starting again and again as every day... action...


i can hear birds from the open window and a distant motorbike zipping away... the air is warm and the sun is shining and yes, i can see some blue... lots of it!


i am back, with bubbling feelings and elevated thoughts after a mild winter, a horrid cold, a lot of running around, plenty of change and upheaval, a great deal of identity resuming, personality deconstructing, realisations achieving and doors opening and shutting, heart opening, love blossoming, mind sharpening and soul advancing! phew! super busy, or what? in and out and still at it... of course!


since my last post, i have changed locations, jobs, art thinkings, friend losings and gainings, new way of seeing/ believing/ projecting/ expecting/ creating/ constructing life and its episodes, some silly, other terrible, but mostly good, acquiring new strengths, ideas, solution findings (and very quickly) and living la vita loca, all mine with the most intense and pushing challenging i have ever experienced and put in practice (either by self will or by circumstance) ever before! again, phew! but i am still here, breathing and continuously letting go of the debris, pulling and pushing my energy and of the ones i am interested in...


i am learning a lot, thrusting my boundaries, by putting myself through a constant rollercoaster, again, either by circumstance, or by sheer sabotaging and self testing; i get so easily bored and even more so, as of late, situations, which i found so essential and juicy before, have withered into oblivion and indifference and goodness, are/ have always been so so boring, not essential and not juicy, but important to experience, so that i can get closer to my purpose; frogs and prince, get it?


layers and layers of onion peels from my essence are continuing to unravel, discard and replenish from the debris to the delights, from the unnecessary to the important, reaching my life zenith day in day out, brings me closer to my material death and my spiritual maturity... yet, life is sweet and amazing and one more time, i am having a ball with all these lessons, trials and tribulations and the fun they all bring, when i finally allow myself to relax and enjoy the exploring within the sexy interlude...


new blood, energy, way of thinking, loving and exchanging have entered my wonderful life in the shape of people and ideas! i am very lucky indeed, but mostly smart, for eliminating quickly and recycling immediately... 


work: the liquor bar is continuing with a delicious diversity, more careful planning and variety: headed letters and updated business cards; accountants and spreadsheets and company numbers and a lot of events in different places, for different reasons, as well as other invitations... look at my other blog to get the idea; apopuplife.blogspot.com... shaping up nicely, with more stock, a good and loyal team and a lot of concept and hard work... with passion and energy...


clubs: queen Bees is still buzzing around from flower to flower causing some kind of stir, within the theme, the sound, the photograph...

The T club: it is my new venture, an avant garde club night for transgenders, genderqueers and all in between, is launching tomorrow night at london's dalston superstore, a haunt we all love and it's cool and busy and like me, is supporting gender diversity... check the facebook group to find out all about it and why it begun... and how...

art/ performance: performing again in may, has extended my already new found inspiration and the ongoing quest for identity, via claustrophobia and narcissism, is developing into a new video performance by the sea: fellini style... watch this space...

art/ photographs: part of clifford chance transatlantic show again this june, i am taking photos of a subject doing sport; of course, i shall narrate it in my signature sensual and erotic manner, but concentrating on activity, will be an interesting point of reference indeed...


the Platform: is back, the 5th april and is incorporated with the liquor bar; cocktails, performances, screenings, what a perfect combo for a different kind of entertainment; not anal and not drunken...


love: hmmm... is this why i am here for? to write about it? after thinking it and finally deciding to feel it, after almost forgetting it and/ or covering it wth plenty of activity, privacy, disappeance within the relentless socialising, well, almost, getting there, gulp, yet another experience, episode, layer dot dot dot


well, this one is tricky and seriously enjoyable and potentially dangerous and serious and massive and finally substantial... what i was always craving and not knowing? again, the frogs/ prince syndrom emerges...


this is a mental affair(for now) with plenty of friendship and galore of innuendi, based on sexual attraction, tradition, conditioning, expectation and projections, pain and hurt, elements, which, each day i uncreate and destroy, for purity and peace


there are a lot of things in common, regarding ideas, creativity and style and past habits(the young ones), vulnerability, although i am the brutal one, honesty, although i am the aggressive one, chemistry, admiration and care, which i am embracing with lots of understanding and communication... help and carmic duties...


sounds ideal and a dream? perhaps, to any reader, who doesn't know the most important detail, which frankly is diminishing into some kind of petty detail and i hope(not really, but yes), i don't fall hopelessly in love and crash everything i have stood for, all my life and reconstruct the lot with furtive hunger and enthusiasm, all in aid of an individual, gorgeous, insecure, talented, set in their ways and into transition... in life, mind and heart and not gender, just to clear this one out now, for more clarity and not a problem...


do i make sense? perhaps and at the moment, this is the best i can do and of course it is not enough... my head if full of thought and fantasy, warmth and safety and i look forward to the following encounter, where a sudden appearance, full of joy, leads to arms tightly and with no hesitation...
and i hope it is not just a crush, an infatuation, to fizz out, when i have finally mastered my pursue... naturally, i sabotage everything here, because i am a selfish artist, in need to feel strong emotions to feed her art, ignoring her own heart... but it is not as simple as that anymore... my own tried and tested methods are fraying successfully and i have begun to be a woman/ person, contrary to woman/ artist again and not only via my art... this is real... i feel it every day, many moments...


and after, arguing, demanding, ruining, wishing to lose and let go, i have failed and so, i have decided to change the record and play a different tune, perhaps in my ears out of sync, but truly, it is within a great deal of harmony and connection... and as i relax and enjoy the exploration, the layers of my heart are opening and within it, all my senses and i have started to smell again, hear again, see again and live again, right here, right now and who cares for how long?


i have no issues of possession and mistrust, jealousy and dominance, i am calm, i am clear, i am excited, excitable and above all, i am available!


closing doors, which deserve to remain closed, letting go of people and situations, which won't teach me or make me grow and look after me, has given space to the beauty i am currently experiencing; more freedom and definitely a good future investment for memory and adventure... play it safe: pointless; delve into it: not just yet; pulling and pushing, back and forth: at the moment, crucial...


i am dancing and continuously and i don't need my shoes... 

the old thoughts bring the new ones...

january has been and gone, my birthday has been and gone and i am officially eight and in total awareness of who my friends are, who really loves me, who trully cares for me and who... doesn't!


and i am blessed with good folk around me, full of objective and pure, generous givings without conditions and erratic and mental behavioural patterns, projectile and mean...


free from the debris at last and trying not to fill myself again with others' traumas, issues and whatever fucked up feelings they harbour for me! phew! lessons learned and glad these situations showed their true colours, something that i was completely aware of, from the very beginning, but gave them a chance nonetheless and because of beyond my control, at the time, circumstances...


as i said/ wrote/ insinuated/ screamed about/ drawn and performed, my instincts are always correct and they never fail me, but it's ok to challenge them sometimes for the ultimate confirmation...


so, the new year has begun quietly and with a silent bang, which is continually escalating to more activity; socially, artistically, professionally.


onwards and upwards and with no time with too much analysis, especially with the irrelevant stuff, i break patterns, keeping alert and awake and sharp minded and remain super active with work, job, projects, events and... love matters!


titilating, juicy, stimulating, pleasant and smile inducing...
sexy
intelligent
admirable
different
and beautiful!


a surprise...
of course i shall continue...

mantra

Now a Mantra for your everyday use: 


Circumstances don't MATTER. Only my State Of Being MATTERS. 
What State Of Being do I prefer to be. (Bashar). Enjoy x
Hi Stav lol I've never been called an Angel before. I'll now include you in my motivational text outs. 
Think about this: You are joy, looking for a way to express. It's not just that your purpose is joy, it is that you are joy. 
You are love and joy and freedom and clarity expressing. 
Energy—frolicking and eager—that's who you are. And so, if you're always reaching for alignment with that, you're always on your path, and your path will take you into all kinds of places. 
We will not deny that you will not discover miracles and create benefits and be involved in creation, and that you will not uplift humanity—we will not say that you will not find satisfaction in so many things that you create, but we can't get away from the acknowledgment that you are Pure Positive Energy that translates into the human emotion of joy. 
Love Gary x

angels

i met gary and sharon at a bar i was managing nearly three years ago. i noticed them, as i notice all my customers, especially the interesting, stylish, eccentric ones, the ones who stand out in the crowd with their individual air and grace, privacy and integrity and behaviour and drinking habits. it was always a bottle of red wine and cappuccino for sharon...
we talked, we connected...


gary and sharon are the third couple from a different generation, but still alternative and modern; old souls, which have noticed me, recognised me, embraced me and encouraged me... i give thanks and in chronological order to barbara and douglas; kate and robert and sharon and gary; my fellow angels!


or shall i say we recognised each other?


all sharing similar traits: love and second chances (except g & s, who have loved and been with one another forever); style; art; business; work; imagination; passion; fun; generosity of spirit and spirituality; intuition; care; flexibility; understanding; a laisser faire laisser passe attitude to life and lots of red wine!


the texts below were received on christmas morning and the second day in the new year respectively and i have read them over and over, recognising what i already know and getting it into my head, that is how it is going to be... and realising, that i have guidance, so subtle, yet precious, i cannot believe my fortune...


i simply had to share and i hope this reaches the right minds , or the ones with a willingness to open wide all the layers...


bliss and gratitude... 


'Morning Stav how r u? Merry Christmas. 4 u: When you reach for the thought that feels better, the Universe is now responding differently to you because of that effort. And so, the things that follow you get better and better, too. So it gets easier to reach for the thought that feels better, because you are on ever-increasing, improving platforms that feel better. Say to yourself, 'Day by day, in everyway, I grow better and better'. Be passionate about your passion. Enjoy. Have fun. Love. Gary & Sharon x'


'Hi Stav this is 4 u 2 ponder on the second day of 2012. Take it with u into 2012: Expectation indicates the juncture between where you are and where you want to be. Where you want to be is your desire, and where you are is your Set-point or habit of thought. And, somewhere in there, is what we would call expectation. Expectation, whether it is wanted or unwanted, is a powerful point of attraction. Your expectation is always what you believe. But the word expectation does imply more what you are wanting than what you are not wanting. It is a more positive word than it is a negative word. But of course, you could expect negatively—and whatever you expect, you will get! HAPPY NEW YEAR. With Gratitude & Grace. Love Gary & Sharon x'


'Think about this: You are joy, looking for a way to express. It's not just that your purpose is joy, it is that you are joy. You are love and joy and freedom and clarity expressing. Energy—frolicking and eager—that's who you are. And so, if you're always reaching for alignment with that, you're always on your path, and your path will take you into all kinds of places. We will not deny that you will not discover miracles and create benefits and be involved in creation, and that you will not uplift humanity—we will not say that you will not find satisfaction in so many things that you create, but we can't get away from the acknowledgment that you are Pure Positive Energy that translates into the human emotion of joy. Love Gary x'


'Now a Mantra for your everyday use: Circumstances don't MATTER. Only my State Of Being MATTERS. What State Of Being do I prefer to be. (Bashar).'

reviewing, beginning, continuing...

london in the south east area... monday 2 january 2012... 5:10am


HAPPY NEW YEAR world and people!


i went out last night... to perform my ritual... bass and dirty tunage among non coordinated, extra happy and drained/ fresh folk to welcome the new year!


i went out late, because i am a vegetarian vampire, who comes alive after dark, plus i had been working the night before (nye) and went to a party afterwards, which ended, at least for me, at noon the next day (nyd)... so i needed to sleep, eat and feel more 'human', before even considering showering and getting ready; working it, still and for how long? for as long is a piece of string... so to speak...


i had fun and a good dance with my friends and it was good to see other peeps, kiss them, hug them, wish them and vice versa...


there were a lot of them missing, at least by the time i got there, which was ok, as it did not repeat history too much... there were no tears, just smiling and dancing, which is what a good party is all about and i suddenly had a whoosh of some kind of epiphany and announced to one of my friends: ' i want a girlfriend this year '... it just came out of my mouth and this is neither how i envisage stuff, not mention the word 'girlfriend' (i prefer lover or partner), but it just came out of my mouth and we both smiled!


this is another year full of infinite possibilities and i can feel it more strongly, without just putting it down to the excitement and anticipation that the new year brings... i feel stuff and perhaps i can see stuff too, positive and correct, taking place and manifesting... but i shall say no more, as the mystery/ protection/ humility is more important than the broadcast, plus the ears which might be listening, could be the wrong ones...


i had a quiet christmas, looking after two friends' flat and their cat: an adorable 5 month tabby, super cuddly and soft and good natured... by no means, he was replacing trixie, but, since this was my first xmas without her, he was a great company, filling a small gap...
i was alone, as almost every year, with no concern for the outside world (getting ready, driving somewhere, alarm always on)... i slept long hours, which is what i mostly need in times such as these, bought and cooked my own meal, watched films and bonded with the cat... i answered a lot of well wished texts and messages and continued my process of elimination with someone new, but wrong at this time and vice versa...


i wept very little and because of a film...


as the year has begun; i am busy (i have been busy for so long...) with a lot of work, a new project and sorting out practical matters, very essential for my mental health, independence and security and above all, a private life...


i am grateful for my life and all it entails, but i am also allowed and i owe it to myself to change things for the better for me... all part of the process and a matter of very little time... so exciting!

i have not really made any particular resolutions; exersice more, read more, love more still continue, as well as including some more physical travelling and a few tweaks and check ups, but i would like to move on from harmful or potential, situations faster than i have done so far, with more brutality and less obsession, simply because it is not worth my time and my time is precious... and my energy, abundant, yet priceless and important...


yes to chances and opportunities, but definitely no to sadness and anxiety and justifying it by ifs and whens; no more saving and explaining stuff for others' sake... what is the point? 


yes to help, support, advice (when asked) and understanding and yes to love, but no to manipulation, rudeness and projected fears... again, what is the point?


my heart is solid and is filling up... i am calm, cool and collected and totally looking forward to what 2012 will bring and i know what i want from this year... and my intensity? paramount and apparent everytime, more and more to someone's peril, but to another's delight... every year, month, day, minute, second, moment, i come closer to my purpose... big stuff, so it makes great sense and at least to me, to eliminate, clean up and prepare for the blossom, with as much purity and truth and consistency... of course it'll get messy, dirty, silly, scary and it is my duty to deal and sort... and i shall...


keep it real and make it happen... one little trick is that, i'll have to want it and i'll have to allow it...


as before, so below


out with the old, in with the new; open heart, alert mind, willing body... and the soul: intact!


2 0 1 2 = 5... get it? 


thank you for everything up to now and beyond... x

improving beauty

i saw this somewhere and wanted to share... it is simple and to the point and a good reminder of our duties as amazing human beings with all our bads and goods... 

30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

Posted on December 16, 2011 | 61 Comments

I loved every word of the post below and wanted to share it on here. Its a worthy part of your 2011 reflection exercise to reflect on the things you want to stop doing, and leave behind in the current year as you move on to the year ahead. For me…as I truthfully reflect on 2011, its got to be numbers 8, 12, 19, 23 and 26 (you’ll know what I mean shortly, read on). Although, at one time or another it was everything on the list below.

I do have to acknowledge myself for the numbers that I just breeezed past and realized “Hey! I’m not that girl anymore! Way to go!” I can recognize the areas that I’ve grown and feel proud, and this is another key element of it all. So if you decide to read below, don’t be a self-hater and try to take on all of the advice at once. Acknowledge yourself for the ones you skip and realize that you don’t need any work in that area of your life. It’s okay to pat yourself on the back once in a while. Make sure to be kind to yourself too, you have plenty of time to take on all of the numbers below. Something tells me you’ll know where to start…

XO
♥ D

30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

Article written by Marc at Marcandangel.com

When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.

As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. Read The Road Less Traveled .
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you likeeveryone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Read Stumbling on Happiness .
11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break.– The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Read Getting Things Done .
24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

CREDIT: Full article written by Marc at Marcandangel.com HERE

a new ending in my heart

'i am closing the circle, putting it to rest...' i wrote and exclaimed in my last performance and here i am now, at the last day of the month and the end of the year, confirming it again... the end of another cycle, story, chapter... a new ending in my heart, as the title suggests for its new beginning and i must admit, i am excited!


i don't really want to express and/ or describe what a rollercoaster this year has been with all the wonderfulness and awfulness, nor i want to list the resolutions i would like to achieve...


instead, i'll let it roll in nicely, gently and intensely, via my long shift and my plethora of partying in my brand new outfit, get on with it, make it happen (again and always)


i'll fold the napkins of my life well and absolutely and lay the table with innocence, positivity and consistent faith... for the freshly sourced, prepared and served meals of my life to feed me with more experience, knowledge and understanding and love to grace my menu in all three lush courses...


i have been a tad anxious and sad lately and hugely disappointed and i take full responsibility for it, not because i have done something really wrong, but mainly because everything which happens in our lives is within our control to alter and develop, by breaking our own patterns and exercise our patience with flexibility and love...


yet again, i came across fear, ignorance, stiffness, narrow mindedness, anger, resentment, grudge, retribution, futile darkness; slithers of debris left from one to another and passed on... due to age, lack of experience and the alternative and a fair amount of naivete... pity... wrong time, wrong one; right time, right one (would we admit?); wrong time, right one; right time, wrong one... endless possibilities, infinite options, not to be taken on, as new and fresh and different... pity... however...


... as i have said before and i'm saying it again: everything happens for a reason and a good one too and as it should, so there is no point worrying and feeling sad, because the truth always prevails and the right thing is always performed and love always shines,  so what is meant to be is meant to be and what is for us, won't go by us... and we don't have to be christians, muslims, buddhists, rastas, or any other label we choose to possess in order to avoid our responsibility to be good humans, tolerant and open minded, but humans full of acceptance and love, despite any shortcomings and bad experiences we went through in the course of our short lives... phew!


two wrongs don't make a right, i know this and although people will treat you the way they have been treated, because and for now, don't know any better, or are too lazy to take the leap and come out of their painful and self inflicted tight bud, you/ i / we have the duty to embrace them with more love, compassion and understanding, break the barriers, disarm them from their pointless artillery...


life is amazing and a wonderful gift and the darkness, the mistakes and the disappointments, part of the process, thrown at us, for the learning and overcoming...


these are my humble opinions and comprehensions and they work for me... i am not interested in recognition, ego satisfaction, or arrogance; i am totally capable in living these out by myself without an audience...


i am interested in life, people, emotions, actions, experiences, mental stimulations, danger and boundary pushing, as well, wide, lovingly, as possible... with decency and honesty and a pure heart...


i know i face opposition, misunderstanding, percecution, gossip, critique, negativity, projections, ridicule, isolation... in time, i have learned to turn it around, ignore it, filter it, fight it, challenge it, eradicate it... time has taught me, protected me, strengthened me, crystallised me and hardened me more...


all good and look forward to the more, but there is a catch:


too high, too advanced, too high the standards; everyone is dissected and finally sabotaged and not allowed in...


now, this is my challenge: am i to overturn it; eliminate it; destroy it...


so that i can construct the new?


time will tell... is that my easy way out?? 


can you hear me? i'm screaming!


the universe provides... and i am no fool...