so, it begun and it was focused on films, short and features, events and parties and around cool places in the east end of london.
i was invited to participate and contribute to the festival with my pop up bar: the first year (2011), stav B' liquor bar was operating at bob and anne cooke's pie n' mash shop on broadway market and we had music and cocktails downstairs and the short films shown upstairs in the dilapidated victorian living room, which we had customised to be cosy and safe. so much fun and so busy. the second year (2012), i was at lower clapton's colourful juice bar, lumiere, where the bar was upstairs among the sweet smells, the dangling glitter hearts and permanent fountain and serving spicy punch and other delights via books on erotica, female ejaculation workshops, body performances, music and a very lively and active dark room!
this year (2013), i was invited to participate as an artist, where i became a priest for one night only, in a chapel, doing service and reciting a sermon (my own), giving communion and offering confession time!
and as an atheist, denouncing god in my teens, who finished a private school for girls, with its own church and as part of the choir, i was obliged to sing inside it to a nauseating level, as it was always so busy and hot, it was quite a big thing... religion vs faith; principle vs art ethic; desire vs love; pushing the boundaries away from the comfort zone vs remaining stubborn in one's beliefs... of course i said yes!
and it was no light matter... i still write and a lot, but i perform selectively... i wanted to be respectful, but also flexible and not too flippant, losing myself in some jargon, or pointless reaction to an industry i'm not familiar with, full of complexities, mystery and corruption...
so, i delved into it... preparing psychologically to appear in front of strangers in a chapel and spilling my heart; choosing my two songs as hymns and finally writing my sermon after days of reflection and thinking, retaining it close, true and protected. the confession part was easy enough; folk come to me for advice and a point of view in life anyway, which, sometimes, i'm hopeless in giving it to myself...
and i kept it honest, as authentic as possible, coming from the heart... being me... and complete with my clergy shirt and my rosary and a borrowed cassock, which i have always wanted to possess (wardrobe extension) and elements of religion... yes, i did some research on the matter and became a tourist for a whole morning in the rain, visiting clergy suppliers and abbey shops...
and the service was wonderful and funny and warm, complete with prayers and hymns and two speeches from hilary clinton and patti smith and a full house, with boys and girls, who were totally up for it, singing, laughing, cheering, clapping and soaking it all in as well as the communion who were lining up to get in the shape of... love hearts! as it should be! that day the house of god, was the house of love; our love!
and everyone said that i looked the part, it suited me to the ground and i felt as ease and very serious and calm and strangely elated covered in heavy black cloth and decorated in chains and beads... which most likely has got to do with my personal state at present; trying to keep it together, before i go completely mad, or was i in character?
this is my sermon; my sermon of love...
SERMON
by stav B
Friday 12 April 2013
FRINGEFILM FEST*3
Good evening.
I’m stav B. Your priest for one night only.
It took me some
time to think and more time to decipher on paper, this sermon, which, despite
the subversion of it all, is a serious matter, standing in front of strangers
and delivering some kind of message with honesty and clarity, asking for your
forgiveness and hopefully transcending positive energy to take with you in
cognition.
I am not
religious, in the sense, that I don’t follow a particular manuscript, which
will lead my life in some kind of salvation, but I have faith:
Faith in the
undeniable power of nature
Faith in the
ability of humans, despite their stupidity and ignorance and fear
Faith in the
people who I love and love me
Faith in
myself, as I believe that everything starts and finishes from oneself…
Faith is not
about having all the answers, it is a feeling, a hunch, that something bigger,
connecting us all, exists: LOVE, which in itself is an act of faith…
All fine and
dandy in theory and we can enter in some futile discourse for eternity, what
use is it, if it’s not recognised, practised and finally embraced? If it’s not
felt?
Despite the
love within us, we all know, how hard and somewhat impossible it is to find the
other, identify them and love them and be loved back…
It is a
bewildering business indeed, we all need this so much, but when it actually
knocks on our heavy door, forever locked and occupied by work and hobbies, do
we open it?
Do we let it
in?
Do we enjoy it?
Do we nurture
it?
Do we keep it?
Close to our hearts with compassion and trust and responsibility?
Do we allow it
to bewitch us and sweep us away, in shores, where we can lose and find
ourselves?
Despite the
fears?
The past
traumas?
The busy
schedules?
The utter
foolishness to ruin something potentially amazing for us and to us, without
giving it a real shot?
Or deliberately
misunderstand it, sabotage it, challenge it, exclude it, control it, unfairly
and eventually destroying it, in the name of:
Career?
Friends?
Idle gossip?
Fear?
Closed heart?
Insecurity?
The superb
discipline of conditioning oneself to the state: I’m ok on my own, I have
worked very hard to reach that stage and I’m not prepared to relinquish it,
yet, ever, at the moment?
Working hard on
oneself is fundamental, whether we are alone or relating, nothing should
interfere with this crucial process, our loved ones should encourage this
wholeheartedly.
A certain lack
of decorum to be kind and compassionate to someone who has appeared in our
lives for a myriad of reasons, but most importantly to love us?
The answers lie
within each and every one of us and if we dare to be brutally honest with
ourselves, then we’ll know what to do and how to proceed.
As above, it is
a bewildering and tricky business at the same time and juggling life and
feelings is truly a wonderful as well as a rocky experience, but smooth sailing
never made a skillful sailor, right?
In short and
what I’m trying to say here, is that if we are sure about what we want and need
and are capable for and very adamant about our choices in life, whatever the
reason, the excuse, the previous experience and we are not prepared to shake
this meticulous crafted composition, just in case our tower crumbles…
Life continues,
but how?
Or, of course, we can do something
different and interesting and surprise ourselves, totally remove our finely
knitted net and leap into the amazing unknown, the magic, the beauty, the
happiness, the love! Why not? Why can we not get what we want for a change? Why
can we not get what we deserve? And crack a little smile for a while?
Maybe we get scratched, bruised,
upset, confused and so what? It’s all a circle back to itself and love will
truly shine if it’s true! It’s all part of the process, courage is contagious
and faith; what a task!
There is no eternal sunshine of the
spotless mind, but despair and loneliness; soul-destroying… spots and mistakes
and miracles and warmth… yearning for the warmth.
'Somewhere there's a treasure that has
no value to anyone but you, and a secret that's meaningless to everyone except
you, and a frontier that harbours a revelation only you would know how to
exploit. Why not go in search of those things?
It’s ok to love.
It’s ok to share.
It’s ok to get hurt.
And it’s ok to be alone. But if one
does wish to remain alone, one should not implicate others into this
experiment; one should remain unbending into their positions… unless, of
course, they do love, that is….
Thank you for listening.
11.4.13 ©stav B
i post this sermon here, upon request, archive and for those who missed the event...
yes, it is true, i am a performance artist and that has saved my life, as a way to exorcise my demons and reach some kind of cathartic revelation, via my prose and the audience, but that could never be possible without my life's wonderful realities.
and there is no script and/ or performance there, but truth and love and a hell of a lot of takes. and i am glad about that.
additional photography by christa holka ©2013
additional photography by christa holka ©2013
