i'm sick...
it started at easter sunday in the hackney living room... i thought it was a mild case of hayfever...
i had temperature, very rare for me and i was melting in my bed, alone, haunted by nihilistic and ultra sad thoughts and fantasies of how i'm going to die alone and no one will discover me, till i start to smell... the fever...
so, i stayed in bed to sweat it all off, as my bones were cracking and aching and my spirit was low, but somehow i knew it was not the end...
i'm better today, cooler, but coughing and sneezing incessantly...
my thoughts escalate from despair to hope, to creative energy to extreme sadness, from nunbness, to boldness, etc...
i am tired
the pocket watch has stopped working at 8:21/ 20:21 and a small piece is chipped away between the 4 and 5... devastating... is this a sign?
the phone is not ringing
the text notification is not clinking
the exchanges are very rare and specific; mercury?
in my fluey stupor, i pull and push, remember and forget, hold on to and let go, almost totally accept...
next?
i shall see... meanwhile, i am about to start again, again, in almost about everything and that is more mind - space taking than...
and in the heart...
a door...more than ajar...
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