portal

on friday, i spinned some records - vinyl only, as it's my love-, as i do every second friday of the month in this cute little bar, only ten minutes drive, if that, from my house... i always have fun in there: the people (staff and customers) like the music, dance and/ or sing along, request, compliment, ask for my card and/ or how much they like my hair...
i always keep my phone under the decks, as an indicator for time and i often, if not regualrly remember, the time, when my night was her morning and a plane was taken for a gathering in another town and how much we both wished i was on that plane, instead of playing 'avalon' by roxy music to a bunch of strangers in the area of se14...

... then i went to duckie's (a gay night full of cabaret and working - class, defunct fun, most of the time, which is based in london's royal vauxhall tavern) fifteenth birthday party in the ballroom of the royal festival hall (southbank, london and not somewhere else) for a quick celebration and a dance and to meet some folk: it was jolly, colourful, old - fashioned, sweaty... i met my people, i danced and sang to james's 'sit down' and 'viva espana', took some snaps, for memory and fun...

saturday was work day, which doesn't bother me, because
1. i earn some cash
2. i can hide
3. i meet new kinds of people
4. i remain detached and respected and appreciated and then, i go home

sunday, was exactly like a golden autum day, i have been talking about recently, full of warm sunshine, floating clouds and a slight wind...
i got myself out of bed, as soon as i could and got ready to be titilated and inspired and express myself with two amazing, beautiful, intelligent and understanding individulas, to become very important in my life and good friends: my new boys! and i wish i was meeting her too, to share the experience together and to have her hold my hand and to gaze at me, while i was talking and just feel her warm presence next to mine and to peer at her, while she was talking and to throw her kisses and hold her thigh under the table... with the occasional hug for tenderness...

alas...
i articulated freely on a lot of topics, with her constantly circulating my mind... i observed, detected, dissected, refreshingly understood, exchanged...

we had breakfast by the lake and had lattes (them, not me; i don't drink coffee, but i'm good at making it), earl grey tea and oj and smoked marlboro siver duty free cigarettes - we shared -.

i loved it. all of it. entertaining and clever and godamn honest... yes! more and more and i cannot wait... the timing is right, as i believe we need each other; one of them is going to go through a similar experience; i am here and i fathom...

we shopped too and took photos, again for memory and fun... the encounter came to a halt with a scrumptious brownie and more tea and lots of poetry and talk on love, giving, taking, testing, detaching, more loving...

later, i went to my east london haunt, which was more of a second home, to the point of suffocation - not anymore, thank goodness - and again, socialised over a virgin mojito and a camel light and spotted a fixie locked on the pole , where hers was first latched, when i first met her... four seasons ago... recollections passing then, to become paramount later and now and...

... met another friend, who has become a confidante and a pleasant companion, based on honesty and love and art, too... for pizza and a huge slice of tiramisu with two spoons and we enjoyed the chill of the autumn evening and the melancholy of it all and the news (hers on new work/ mine on a very much needed website)... i drove her home... i drove myself home, seriously satisfied with my weekend and the general camaraderie...

caught up on some emails and texts for further communication, with souls i haven't seen for a while and/ or i won't see, as they are on a trip and fell asleep tired, with the light on, trixie by my thigh and my lover residing in my head gently, but persistently, chatting to me, as she has been all weekend and for some time now...

mercury is gone direct; the doors have opened again for action and communication and i have been advised to create a cascade, ignoring any resistance... i was thinking that perhaps, the orange flower has run out...

i feel hopeful and loved... and i am in .... hopelessly (but that is a euphemism)...

i saved her face, after scrutinising it with passion...