a love letter

polaroids by rhiannon adam

6 September
London

My Lover,
I have lost count of all the letters, photographs, short and long messages exchanged between us. Amazing. I am grateful.
And I never tire of your words and your face, as they are my solace, my company during your long, endless absence. When?
I yearn for your tight embrace, your piercing gaze, your deep, passionate kisses, your voice, your constant presence in my life, my bursting, tiny world, full of dreams, hopes and aspirations, futile without you…
I am doing my best, trying to understand why we have to be apart: the vast sea, the enormous road, work, self - improvement, opportunity, fate and time… I fail…
Although calm and cool and collected, I think of you constantly, miss you desperately and dream of you nearly incessantly; more often than not, twice, maybe thrice a week and it is always so lovely, yet haunting…
It is raining…autumn has begun and with it my melancholy; I need you more than ever, right now, right here; long walks in the park, everlasting conversations, warm hand holding and some serious loving… I need your advice, your opinion, your help and support…
You are my salt, my flavour, my joy… I walk and talk and create and exist to the best of my abilities, but your body is missing…
I wish you could unlock and remove this chain; it bruises my heart and I require it for your love…
You told me once and another time, that you would do anything for me; I sent you to the ocean to find the golden key; have you done it? I asked you next time you dive into the deep and meet a shark, steal a tooth from him or her and send it to me with seaweed aromas and a pouch of sand… the tooth will have an arrow engraved on it, which will direct you to the golden key, which will unlock the padlock to my heart and reveal all the treasures from the sacred trunk all the way down to the bottom of the ocean… only you can do it… do you remember?
You are my gift, my inspiration, the main reason for my excitement and sheer happiness… I am glad I realised how wonderful you are and didn’t pass you by… and if this distance is a test, then I intend to pass it with flying garlands, celebrating your existence and our encounter.
I don’t want to get used to your absence, so I keep you thriving in my everyday life: How are you? How are you feeling? What are you doing? Please look after yourself, now I am not near…
Do forgive my occasional silence and /or lack of correspondence; I am not being lazy, playful or cruel but sometimes, busy and perhaps gasping for a little breath, so always remember that you are in my heart relentlessly, in my mind persistently and in my life continually. I am glad about that.
I love you.
Write back to me as quickly as possible. I am ravenous for your prose. Let’s not make each other wait any longer.
Yours completely,
Your Lover.
X
PS. The photograph attached with this letter has felt my lips.