the art of photo - taking

retro, nostalgia, romance, iconic pose

i shall write a letter to go with the images (imaginary or actual?)
the reader can decide...

dear___________,
dearest___________,
my darling___________,
my lovely____________,... etc...

images by rhiannon adam and emma oxley

the london sky lately

the moon is full and in pisces

This Full Moon in Pisces occurs at 1:05pm EST (5:05 pm GMT) Tuesday, August 24, 2010. This Full Moon is the culmination of those things started during the New Moon in Leo on August 9, which started a period of introspection and discovering not only our inner child but also how to make that inner child happy.
Since the Sun has just made its move into Virgo (opposite the moon in Pisces), we need to note that the discretionary power of Virgo will affect us during this Full Moon. Pisces is about seeing the bigger picture, and Virgo will help us to understand the details of this picture. However, it should also be noted that Mercury is still in retrograde in Virgo, which gives us additional power of introspection and re-examination of the details of our lives.
We are still feeling the energy of the Cardinal Grand Cross, too, which was activated on August 6 between Jupiter/Uranus (Aries); Pluto (Capricorn); the Moon (Cancer); and Saturn, Mars and Venus (Libra). Because all the aspects in a Grand Cross are considered difficult aspects (squares/oppositions), we will be feeling pulled in very different directions. Be sure to be attentive to your actions; you don’t want to try to accomplish everything at once and end up not accomplishing anything.

still...

all photos by emli bendixen. finsbury park 4 august 2010.

love, art, compassion, strength, performance, emotion, style, honesty...

i still feel...

thank you emli for the experience (i believe it has been fruitful for both of us). x

point and purpose

it is four and six minutes in the morning (or one and six minutes in the afternoon of the next day) and i have just come back from being out... twat boutique, first thursday monthly at the not so new now, but still popular, dalston super store, on kingsland high street (i wonder why i write certain things in great detail... in the event of...; archive...).

yesterday was a low day, full of anxiety, tears, ambivalent panic and two good conversations with two good friends, who were willing to listen to my long monologue on love, unfairness and extreme sadness, which is more crippling that the distance/ problems/ the abiguity of it all... for now...

feeling sorry for oneself, self - indulging (too much time in the hands, primarily), were featured in my day, although i knew deep down, that the factors, which triggered the above reactings, were tactical and transparent... i thought i had paid my carmic dues; i have no problem with raising stakes and ultimate challenges, but, i need a blasted break! i need it, i want it, i deserve it... i hope (know)...

alas...

everything happens for a reason and as it should, i keep reminding myself and i know everything will be fine and dandy in the end and as i want it... but i've got to want it...
'i am the alive fantasist, the futile dreamer, the subconscious saboteur...', i wrote in one of my performances and i no longer surprise myself for blending life and art together, overlapping... i know, i perpetrate...

bad behaviour won't be excused, but it is certainly understood.
fear and stupidity, lead to meanness... big love leads to...

'i'm pushing you away', 'why don't you give it up','why are you bothering' (not this again) are cliches, which although piercing at first, become sweet tasks later, upon reflection... crazy one would think, sucker for punishment, but this is not the case: i love, i understand and perversely, i endure, i am not bored, i am not boring, i am not tired... not now, not yet...

own drumbeat, ahead of time, big heart, sharp brain, extreme resilience, self - testing and self - learning; for the ultimate realisation...

i said before and i'm saying again: something's cooking and it's good... faith, hope and love, patience and understanding to season...

moments vs days and i recall plenty... more and more...

i become more free every day... and the blood: flows and drips...

something sexy and intense

after a good shoot (thank you emli for the invitation and eye) and a heavy thunderous, glorious rain...

i saw this written somewhere...

... and thought it could be a good blog material, representing just about everybody:

'watch your thoughts, for they become words.
watch your words, for they become actions.
watch your actions, for they become habits.
watch your habits, for they become character.
watch your character, for it becomes your destiny'.

august...

... should start with a good bike ride and here are some of the bikes that i spotted, because i liked on the street/ shops and snapped; from (brockley, brunswick, hackney, south yarra, brick lane) down under to here, including my own...

new month, new moon, new insights...

july finished with a wedding and a party. gay, merry, colourful, loving... in the garden of a london home... i mingled, snacked, sipped champagne between water and nibbles, took photos, had a little dance, but mostly observed: i felt safe and serene, in the green bosom of good camaraderie and fun. i felt the love. i needed it. i allowed myself to drift sometimes, allow the melancholy to take me over, without anyone noticing and it was lovely; missing... the empty seat... wishing so much... shhhh...

pondering, reflecting, image playing

and before i go to sleep...

... you are always in my heart.

on and on..

i continue
i carry on
that's my alternative... more and more...

loving
creating
planning
doing
making it happen

decently
wholeheartedly
passionately
honestly
energetically
positively

private, quiet

up and up...

another busy, interesting and social weekend awaits and i must have the windscreen (the crack is moving to my left and it's dangerously glistening) AND the driver's window (stuck, suddenly) fixed.

i'll try to go to sleep, before the day breaks:

'go to bed', i wrote
'you go to bed', she wrote
'or come to bed with me'... now, that is an idea and possibly the remedy, too.

the moon is full and in aquarius...

... and the best i can do (and perhaps all of us, especially the ones, who will allow themselves to feel it, without considering themselves silly and/ or too intense) is to experience it as calmly and in good anticipating manner as possible... hmmm...

tricky...
changes and upheaval
explosive and surprising
positive

queen Bees on friday was purple and good fun; the music was good, as i want it; kate played some blinding tunes and very well thought out and nicole indulged happily into an array of genres and timescales... we danced... we played with the purple balloons, we ate the heart shaped chocolate, we stuck glitter on our faces and we had dabs of pure lavender perfume on our bodies... we watched maria's fabulous shorts and animations (i asked her to do it as a send off - she's off to sweden for an animation course she's been accepted in and as sweet as she is and talented and a good friend; we share love pains and grains together; she said yes)... sophie, yet again, documented these moments with zeal and passion (so grateful to her for taking the photographs for the third time)... new faces mingled with the old and the aircon hepled us breath in the freshly painted black basement...

proloque; book lauch, performances and ideas spilled in the narrow built georgian 4 storey house in king's cross; great building and the obscurity and richness of work suited it fine.
at peckham with pia later for wine, chips, half a veggie burger and a good natter

speakeasy at the arcola theatre for jet's spoken word fest; missed iris, but got the rest on queer, trans, babies, football, tabloid and the general socio- political- gender - queer effort and understanding to be a person. fun and clever.

chat with sophie in the car outside the joiners; i lasted 10 minutes, a coke and a cigarette, i was bored, but also, joiners reminds me of different kinds of episodes, which despite their ridiculousness, i recall them fondly...

something's good is cooking... i have been saying for a while...

longing...

post - dream effects, remembering a good moment, selfridges outstanding window displays, with spot on words/ messages (as long as i deconstruct them to my advantage and direction)... the yearning though is especially strong, today/ tonight/ now...

it was lovely...

i fell asleep with the lights on, my clothes on, my bangles still around my wrist, my hair up... and i dreamt of her... it was so soft and lovely, predicting... it is happily haunting me now... she finally put her arms around me as she said she would and i touched her... we kissed... i woke up...

sixty days...

... is nothing, however, there is a little twitch in my heart and a small time travelling in my head... it's ok to feel... good to remember, perfect to hope...

in images