i read somewhere... 31 december 2019...

without ignoring the calamities/ problems/ frustrations/ disasters in the world we have all created and are responsible for... but since it is the last day of the year and the last day of a decade, allow me to throw some positivity around, a little glitter, a little sparkle, a little hope, as the fight and the love continue before we all perish...

i shall share with you my last, for 2019, i read somewhere, full of hard work, the unlearning of the bullshit, the total destruction of anything toxic in your life, from the government to any relationships, including the one with yourself and all the revelations, reflections, results and directions, you'll be able to decipher and unravel and finally practice, when and not if, you get ready to take the leap...

i wish you all a better, different, spectacular start; stay healthy, safe, creative, radical, resistant and keep swimming... <3 span="">

ps. this is not to be considered as some self serving mumbo jumbo motherfucker; just a little reminder of what alive, thinking and doing can achieve. x

I invite you to say/ think this:

love everything about you, your beauty and pain, hungry soul, wounded longing, flaws and fears.
do not betray or deceive yourself
believe, forgive and adore yourself
accept, amuse and redeem yourself

feed and nourish your body and spirit
be with people who deserve us and vice versa
communicate with a yes and a no
respect our planet and its animals and plants, the rivers, lakes, oceans, skies and forests
spread the love
smash the bullshit patriarchy and all the shackles enslaving us all
believe that fortune will visit, to eradicate limitations and encourage braver horizons

devote yourselves and fight hard to cultivate
beauty, truth, love, justice, equality, tolerance, creativity, playfulness, and hope

"Every minute of every hour of every day you are making the world, just
as you are making yourself, and you might as well do it with generosity
and kindness and style."
Rebecca Solnit

know the problem, solve the problem and provide antidotes to the world's poisons, with love and power

"We should feel excited about the problems we confront and our ability to
deal with them.
Solving problems is one of the
highest and most sensual of all our brain functions."
Robert Wilson

remember
you can make a difference
stay humble and learn from it
help and serve your fellow person
take yourself serious and have fun with it too
remember the coin has two sides; a good and bad
take the leap, recognise your fears, how freeing
thank yourselves for having the nous to identify the idiocies and then smashing them

we are human, we are a cluster of everything fluid and messy, we are victorious.

with love and anticipation. 

i read somewhere... 20 may 2016...

i read somewhere:

"Exaggerate your flaws till they turn into virtues
Pretend your wounds are exotic tattoos
Refuse the gifts that infringe on your freedom
Shun sacred places that fill you with boredom
Keep in mind it's bad luck to be superstitious
The official story's always fictitious
Pump up your karma with idiot laughter
The promised land's here, not in some hereafter

We are searching for the answers
so we can destroy them and dream up better questions

Use your third eye to watch TV
Sing anarchist lullabies to lesbian trees
Think with your heart and feel with your head
Spit a mouthful of beer as far as you can
Kick your own ass and wash your own brain.
Make fun of your fears and heal your own pain
Play games with no rules, save your own life
Push your own buttons and be your own wife

We are searching for the answers
so we can destroy them and dream up better questions

Plunge butcher knives into accordions
Forgive yourself of all your mistakes except one
Commit funny crimes that don't break any laws
Shock yourself with how beautiful you are.
Tell jokes to clowns and cook feasts for chefs
Sing songs to the birds, and kill your own death
Mangle your anger, transform it to pleasure
Change your name, steal your own treasure

Go wash some water
Mock your own hypocrisy

Go burn some fire
Brag about your perplexity

Go wash some water
Advertise your secrecy

Go burn some fire
Overthrow reality"

"May I feel all I need to feel in order to heal; may I heal all I need to heal in order to feel." Marguerite Rigoglioso

remember: full moon in sagittarius the 21st and mercury turns direct the 22nd. brace yourselves, as the whooshing changes are imminent.
and have a great day. everything is all right and you are amazing. x

i read somewhere... 7 november 2017...

i read somewhere:

"Every day, you have to wade through a relentless surge of soul-less facts.
The experience tends to shut down your sense of wonder.

Every day, you're over-exposed to cynical narratives that have been sucked free of delight and mystery. That's why you have to make such strenuous efforts to keep your world enchanted."

"The punk ethic is rebellious. It transgresses
conventional wisdom through "a cynical absurdity that's redeemed by being hilarious." Brian Doherty.
In the hippie approach, on the other hand, the prevailing belief is "love is all you need." It seeks a
"manic togetherness and all-encompassing acceptance that are all sweet and no sour; inspiring but also soft and gelatinous." Ah, but what happens when punk and hippie merge? Each moderates the extreme of the other, yielding a tough-minded lust for life that's both skeptical and celebratory."

“This is a massive awakening. We’ve already seen an awakening taking place in the last few years. It will intensify. We’ve seen marvellous demonstrations in a variety of different cities... I think that we have to have a real sense of commitment to being a hope in such a bleak moment. And we can turn things around.”

Apply all this as you wish and create your own revolution to ripple through universally. The time is now, now is the time. 

i read somewhere... 8 august 2018...

i read somewhere:

"There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet,
trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair.
That's why you must walk so lightly. Lightly, learn to do
everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you're
feeling deeply." Aldous Huxley

"Be scarier than your fears. If an anxious thought pops into
your mind, bare your teeth and growl, "Get out of here or will
rip you to shreds!
If a demon visits you in a nightly dream, chase after it with a
torch and sword, screaming "Begone, foul spirit, or I will
burn your mangy ass!"

Don't tolerate bullying in any form, whether it comes from a critical little voice in your head or from supposedly nice people who are trying to guilt trip you.
I am a brave conqueror who cannot be intimidated!
I am a monster of love and goodness who will defeat all
threats to my integrity!"

Mercury is retrograde until August 18.
And this what it really means, do not listen to the morons, who understand nothing about celestial activities:

Mercury Retrograde is a natural and even helpful recurrent cycle, 70 days each year, natural rhythm, just like the seasons. At these times, we get the opportunity to RETHINK, REVIEW, and REVISE our thinking and our written and spoken communication. If we use it to RE -EXAMINE the flow of our work and our day-to-day lives, these little mishaps can teach us something about Right Action. They can be a valuable corrective that helps us prevent more serious and ongoing errors in our work that might otherwise be compounded over time. Used correctly, these intervals can enhance our productivity and the quality of our work and life, in particular.

only 5% of the world's population lives in a complete democracy and it is not even correct.

apply democracy into your everyday lives and personal orbit.
ensure that people you care about feel equal to you and have confidence that you will listen to and consider their needs, and believe they have a strong say in shaping your shared experiences.

and use any social platform with care and nous, empathy, love and education; not bullying, hate and bigotry.

times are demanding of more of our kindness and open mind; let's utilise this.

it's still summer and the weekend is upon us. 

i read somewhere... 10 august 2016...

i read somewhere:

I invite you to say any or all of the following lines out loud:

I love everything about me

I love my uncanny beauty and my bewildering pain

I love my hungry soul and my wounded longing

I love my flaws, my fears, and my scary frontiers

I will never forsake, betray, or deceive myself

I will always adore, forgive, and believe in myself

I will never refuse, abandon, or scorn myself

I will always amuse, delight, and redeem myself

So listen up. We'll make it brief. You're at a crossroads analogous to a dilemma that has baffled your biological line for six generations. We ask you now to master the turning point that none of us have ever figured out how to negotiate. Heal yourself and you heal all of us. We mean that literally. Start brainstorming, please.

Love thrives when neither partner takes things personally, so cultivate a devotion to forgiveness and divest yourself of the urge to blame.

Love is a game in which the rules keep changing, so be crafty and improvisational as you stay alert for each unexpected twist of fate.

Love enmeshes you in your partner's unique set of karmic complications, so make sure you're very interested in his or her problems.

Love is a laboratory where you can uncover secrets about yourself that have previously been hidden, so be ravenously curious.

Love is never a perfect match of totally compatible saints, so don't let sterile fantasies seduce you away from flawed but fecund realities.
Love is not a low-maintenance machine, so work hard on cultivating its unpredictable organic wonders.

Love is not a wholly-owned subsidiary of Hollywood, so don't let your romantic story be infected by the entertainment industry's simplistic, sentimental myths about intimate relationships.

LET'S GET ON WITH IT; WE ARE ALL RIGHT AND LIFE IS AMAZING... 

i read somewhere... 23 august 2016...

i read somewhere:

Whatever you choose to focus your attention on, you will get more of it. If you dwell on the good things you have already had the privilege to experience, you will expand your appreciation for their blessings, which in turn will amplify their beneficent impact on your life. You will also magnetise yourself to receive further good things, making it more likely that they will be attracted into your sphere. At the very least, you will get in the habit of enjoying yourself no matter what the outward circumstances are.

Bear in mind that you are a great wizard. You can use your powers to practice white magic on yourself instead of the other kind. The most basic way to do that is to concentrate on naming, savouring, and feeling gratitude for the blessings you do have—your love for your kid, the pleasures of eating the food you like, the sight of the sky at dusk, the entertaining drama of your unique fate. Don't ignore the bad stuff, but make a point of celebrating the beautiful stuff with all the exuberant devotion you can muster.

Speak the following lines out loud:
I love everything about me
I love my uncanny beauty and my bewildering pain
I love my hungry soul and my wounded longing
I love my flaws, my fears, and my scary frontiers

I will never forsake, betray, or deceive myself
I will always adore, forgive, and believe in myself
I will never refuse, abandon, or scorn myself
I will always amuse, delight, and redeem myself.

and remember:

"Every act of genius, is an act contra naturam: against nature." Indeed, every effort to achieve psychological integration and union with the divine requires a knack for working against the grain. Carl Jung

The great secret to becoming enlightened, is "to walk in all things contrary to the world." Jacob Boehme

"The basis of the spiritual approach to life, the foundation of the everyday practice of a person who lives the life of obedience to esoteric law, is the reversal of the more usual ways of thinking, speaking and doing." Paul Foster Case

have a great week, full of focus, gratitude and love. 

15 september 2013

i read somewhere:

"If everything seems under control, you're probably not moving fast enough." Mario Andretti
1. If you're not pretty much always half-confused, most likely you're not thinking deeply enough.
2. If you're not feeling forever amazed, maybe you're not seeing wildly enough.
3. The truth is fluid, slippery, vagrant, scrambled, promiscuous, kaleidoscopic, and outrageously abundant.
4. Sometimes the truth is a glittering diamond and at other times it's a stream of smoke.

"I was like a mole in a suburban backyard. I had just one little path I trod each day: to the compost pile and back. I chewed on orange rinds and leftover cabbage. I was tamed by the comfort of my familiar environment, content to have a narrow vision. But then I was eaten by a hawk, and became part of a wild, free body. Now I perch on the tops of trees and the peaks of roofs. I survey giddy-wide horizons, from the river to the mesa and far beyond. I have a wealth of choices. Where to fly? What to hunt? Who are my allies? My thoughts breathe deep, like the slow explosion of sun on the morning lake."

freeing the heart; loving again and back... yes? xx

i read somewhere... 19 february 2016

I read somewhere: "Life's always at a crossroads. Narrow is the path that leads to the way you want to go, and only a few people follow it."

Many thanks to my boxing posse last night: Fabiana Fernandes, Vicki Cooper and Anka Dabrowska.

And remember: Don't get stuck in. And do whatever you do, intensely.

❤️

i read somewhere... 17 april 2018

it's a beautiful day. it's important to stay positive, active and pro active, as well as angry and disappointed.

i read somewhere:

"If I could have but one wish granted it would be
to live in a universe like this one
at a time like the present
with friends like the ones I have now
and be myself." Rand Howells

"Problems that remain persistently insoluble should always be suspected
as questions asked in the wrong way." Alan Watts

"Dedicating the merit, is an act of radical imagination that has a real impact.
Our radical imagining is that all beings are free, at peace, and awakened. Imagining this stretches our minds and creates the possibility for it to actually happen, because if we cannot imagine something, it's nearly impossible to actualise it.
In this radical imagining, our vision includes everyone equally in our love.
This develops our generosity, loving-kindness, and commitment to the equality of beings. This kind of beneficence does not condone anyone's
destructive actions. Rather it looks toward the possibility of liberating and transforming the ignorance that drives people's destructive actions." Lama Palden Drolma

love everything about yourself, your beauty, your pain, your longings, your hungry soul, your flaws, your fears, your issues, your power, your mysteries, your freedom...

escape your chains of suffering and discharge yourself from any debt...

have a great day and a good week, starting from yourselves. 

i read somewhere... 14 june 2016...

i read somewhere:

"That which is not slightly distorted lacks sensible appeal, from which it follows that irregularity - that is to say, the unexpected, surprise and astonishment -- is an essential part and characteristic of beauty."
Charles Baudelaire

"Life is a vast and intricate conspiracy designed to keep us well-supplied with blessings."

"But whether it's our time to ferment in the valley of shadows or rise up singing in the sun-splashed meadow, fresh power to transform ourselves is always on the way. Our suffering won't last, nor will our triumph. Without fail, life will deliver the creative energy we need to change into the new thing we must become."

and breathe... x

13 may 2016. i read somewhere continues... and so do i... x

i read somewhere:

To regain patience, learn to love the sour, the bitter, the salty, the clear." James Richardson
Because if you enhance your appreciation for the sour, the bitter, the salty, and the clear, you will not only regain patience, but also generate unexpected opportunities.
You will tonify your mood, beautify your attitude, and deepen your gravitas.
Seek out the tangy, the smouldering, the soggy, the spunky, the chirpy, the gritty, and an array of other experiences you may have previously kept at a distance.

Here are three of our deepest spiritual aspirations:

1. to develop the capacity to thrive in the midst of raging contradictions;

2. to be discerning as we protect ourselves from people's flaws while at the same time being generous as we celebrate their beauty;

3. to refrain from dividing the world into two groups, those who help and agree with us and those who don't.

"A thousand half-loves must be forsaken to take one whole heart home." Rumi.
You will be invited to shed a host of wishy-washy wishes so as to become strong and smart enough to go in quest of a very few burning, churning yearnings. Are you ready to sacrifice the mediocre in service to the sublime?

have a great day everyone. everything is all right and you are amazing! x

thinning threads

the world is getting smaller and life is getting nearer to the demise, so what have we learned so far?


it is sunday.

it is may, with scattered showers and rays and sometimes, at the same time, the sky plays hide and seek with the clouds.

in london, uk.

the fight continues and it's all very exciting indeed... 

and bewildering

and isolating

and... i'll be back... 

stories

6.

i read somewhere:

'My story isn’t sweet and harmonious like invented stories. It tastes of folly and bewilderment, of madness and dream, like the life of all people who no longer want to lie to themselves'. 

Herman Hesse

'I want to be with those who know the secret things, or else alone'. 

Rainer Maria Rilke.

self - deceptions vs magic...

heart writings

1.

i read somewhere:

"Write it on your heart
that every day is the best day in the year.
He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day
who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety.

Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities, no doubt crept in.
Forget them as soon as you can, tomorrow is a new day;
begin it well and serenely, with too high a spirit
to be cumbered with your old nonsense.

This new day is too dear,
with its hopes and invitations,
to waste a moment on the yesterdays."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

always...

Eleanor Roosevelt’s Controversial Love Letters to Lorena Hickok

by Maria Popova

“You have grown so much to be a part of my life that it is empty without you.”

Eleanor Roosevelt (October 11, 1884–November 7, 1962) endures not only as the longest-serving American First Lady (1933-1945), but also as one of history’s most politically impactful, a fierce champion of working women and underprivileged youth.

But her personal life has been the subject of lasting controversy.

In the summer of 1928, Roosevelt met journalist Lorena Hickok, whom she would come to refer to as Hick. The thirty-year relationship that ensued has remained the subject of much speculation, from the evening of FDR’s inauguration, when the First Lady was seen wearing a sapphire ring Hickok had given her, to the opening up of her private correspondence archives in 1998. Though many of the most explicit letters had been burned, the 300 published in Empty Without You: The Intimate Letters Of Eleanor Roosevelt And Lorena Hickok (public library) — at once less unequivocal than history’s most revealing woman-to-woman love letters and more suggestive than those ofgreat female platonic friendships — strongly indicate the relationship between Roosevelt and Hickok had been one of great romantic intensity.

On March 5, 1933, the first evening of FDR’s inauguration, Roosevelt wrote Hick:

Hick my dearest–

I cannot go to bed tonight without a word to you. I felt a little as though a part of me was leaving tonight. You have grown so much to be a part of my life that it is empty without you.

Then, the following day:

Hick, darling

Ah, how good it was to hear your voice. It was so inadequate to try and tell you what it meant. Funny was that I couldn’t say je t’aime and je t’adore as I longed to do, but always remember that I am saying it, that I go to sleep thinking of you.

And the night after:

Hick darling

All day I’ve thought of you & another birthday I will be with you, & yet tonite you sounded so far away & formal. Oh! I want to put my arms around you, I ache to hold you close. Your ring is a great comfort. I look at it & think “she does love me, or I wouldn’t be wearing it!”

And in yet another letter:

I wish I could lie down beside you tonight & take you in my arms.

Hick herself responded with equal intensity. In a letter from December 1933, she wrote:

I’ve been trying to bring back your face — to remember justhow you look. Funny how even the dearest face will fade away in time. Most clearly I remember your eyes, with a kind of teasing smile in them, and the feeling of that soft spot just north-east of the corner of your mouth against my lips.

Granted, human dynamics are complex and ambiguous enough even for those directly involved, making it hard to assume anything with absolute certainty from the sidelines of an epistolary relationship long after the correspondents’ deaths. But wherever on the spectrum of the platonic and romantic the letters inEmpty Without You may fall, they offer a beautiful record of a tender, steadfast, deeply loving relationship between two women who meant the world to one another, even if the world never quite condoned or understood their profound connection.

smashing and building

tuesday 12 march 2013
10:41am/ 06:41am

the grey/ white clouds are moving swiftly to my left, revealing a lot of blue. 
it's chilly, but sunny and hopeful. is spring here? i mean, not only seasonally, but also in my heart? something to discover and look forward to...

life is a roller coaster and unstoppable in energy and event unravelling and circumstances changing and bullshit smashing and foundations building... all nice little and big life metaphors, of course, leaving it to you readers to decipher, according to your own situations...

where was i?

o. yes. sexy and clever and completing a past circle, for more freedom of expression and enjoyment.

baby steps. big leaps. stumbles. falls. risings. silence. tongue. discourse. new lessons. old wounds. disagreement. peace. clarity. reconciliation. love. love. love. distance. space. retreat. recollection.

somewhere beyond the sea, somewhere... but sailing is as important as anchoring and exactly for the same reason; sailing for anchoring; anchoring for sailing and back again... 

am i ever going to stop being so cryptic? evasive? secretive? poetic? riddled and heavy with symbolism and analogy?

yes. and no. 

i'm thoroughly enjoying my word play for reasons of privacy and... play, but something tells me right now, that i ought and just a little bit be a bit more... simple in my speech, which really is all about love...

maybe i ought to be more of a gardener, immersing my hands in deep soil, feeling the earth and choosing the plants carefully, instead of conceiving an idea, let it float in my head, before it explodes on paper and reveals itself on stage...

maybe i ought to put my heart in the front seat, without the excruciating art of analysis, which, although necessary in other parts, here it should be omitted... phew!

maybe i ought to finally admit that my old methods of over protection, over defence, over brutality and control, don't really work anymore and i really need to turn it around, change the record, relax (as much as possible), in order to achieve some respite, some happiness and some heart flow, it should be, at least a challenge, since i loathe constipation!

so there!

am i in love? some time ago, someone asked me the very same question, i'm asking myself now and my answer was: 'i hope not'.
well, now, i can freely say: 'i hope so'. oops! i just had a little heart skip right now and some rays warmed up my veins... sunshine, inside?!

time will tell. and i definitely love.

and i promise to translate, as at present, i'm relishing my fortune and the ability to be feeling something extraordinary inside me, which makes me warm, excited, nervous, scared, stubborn, angry, sensitive, stupid and goddamn, alive! i am alive! bewitched! captured! touched! pinched! felt! desired! appreciated! respected! trusted! loved!

ok ok, i won't sugar coat it, it would be futile, there are glitches and issues and problems and insecurities and control and anger and hurt and confusion and a lot of differences as well as similarities and to- ing and fro- ing and a lot of love, which, by no means, is not warped, but a bit blocked and stalled sometimes, but as i know and we all know, love is the answer and if it's true, it will shine. 

i read somewhere: 

'everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain, but you can't have a rainbow without a little rain'.

so, when my dark self bellows at me to walk away from it, because it's too much to bear, what about the social conditionings about rose petal periods, what other might utter in opinion, with a subconscious envy and/ or a desire to protect me from hurt, it's not what i would envisage and / or expected, my other self, the mature, open and positive one, suggests gently, which is quite unusual for me, that i should take a deep breath, calm myself down, exercise patience, because it is a virtue and virtues are crucial, understanding and more love, with space and time and reassess... 

am i happy? most of the time.
am i anxious? sometimes.
do i understand? more and more each time.
do i love? more and more, my heart is opening and i'm scared, but not defeated.

phew!

i wish to remain honest and true to myself. so, that i can be true and honest to the other and meet the other half way, if the parts are that way inclined.
exercise more kindness and compassion.
have faith.
be courageous.
stay alert, but not sceptical.
apply constructive criticism and not flippant remarks. talk with and not at. 
accept the fact i am not perfect, but i'm a good and decent person.
let go of control as much as possible and turn anger into something more positive and worthwhile.
love more.

hard work, full of rewards, especially, observing myself growing and growing up.

the road is not easy, but i would not want to be anywhere else.
somehow, my past history has faded into some kind of opaque oblivion, with lessons learned from mistakes and hopefully traumas resolved.

it has been a surprise. and now, it's a natural progression of my life's events. 
call it destiny, a reason, i cannot underline enough its importance and occurrence and above all, my recognition of it; i hope to honour and expand it to a larger gift, from a tiny present.

that would be my lesson. that would be my improvement. 
i look forward to its direction with grace and pride. 

i shall remain victorious. my own Boadicea. crowns and tiaras.